I just read through your thread and I want to tell you that everything you are feeling, doing, saying, I have done in the past. When I snooped, yelled, screamed, cried, accussed..........you name it, my H went into a "cave" and never came out. I read and re-read DB and started (very small steps) to do everything by the book. My H has had 2, maybe 3 OW in the past three years(pretty scarey stuff), you have to decide where you want your M to go. If you want to salvage it, then you have to stop what you are doing. Detach, let him spin out of control, by himself, with OW, however he can. You can not FIX what you did not break, HIM!! You need to focus on yourself and children. I bet your H blames you for all his unhappiness, right!! You're an intelligent woman, you know that is not true, but maybe you contributed to it somehow. We all play a role in the demise of a marriage, even in little ways. Maybe your H is going through a full blown MLC? Once I stopped the R talk, and asking about OW, or worse demaninding that he dump OW, things became better. My H does not live here, but he lives right down the street from me, so I basically see his every move from a not so far away distance. I know this is hard stuff......Try one small change (for yourself), not him, for your sanity. And move from there, act like you don't give a damn....about him, OW or amything to do with him. Do your own thing!! My H has been hanging out around the house a lot lately, has given me flowers, small gifts, extra money for things, etc. I thank him till I'm blue in the face.......is OW still in his life? I'm not sure, but I view her as a non-entity now. He recently told a freind that he has fought with her more times in one year than he did with me in 20......how's that for moving onto something better??? You're H needs you now more than ever, I know that sounds hard to believe, but he needs your support, love and caring ways. Treat him like a casual freind.........it will make you feel better and probably him too. I usually post on the MLC bd, because my husband is in the middle of a major MLC, but I stopped by here today. Good luck in your sitch, keep your head up and smile.......
