except that H is NOT initiating R talk at all - that's what he told me when he dropped the Bomb
bustingonline1, oh I misread. It sounded as if he was discussing these things with you now.
On the one hand, he had said that 'not talking to him enough or discussing serious issues openly' was lacking, and so continuing not to talk is more of the same behavior... on the other hand to start these discussions would be a 180 but would be bringing up R talk... Hmmm. Gotta put my thinking cap on...
I'm going to err on the side of DB and say: No R talk initiated by you. That 'not discussing issues' and all were things he told you when he dropped the bomb, so he's past thinking in terms of you and him needing to discuss the relationship... So that may not be where to 180. I seriously doubt that 'not discussing issues' is the only area that needed changing, and if I'm right about that, there are a few other areas that may be just as or more significant to your H that are worthy of your attention. Look for behaviors of yours that need to be purged and new behaviors to be learned in their place. I'd also say get into more conversations with him about anything other than the relationship, since he had felt you didn't talk to him enough.
And if the "180" from NOT initiating sex ends up like that, how on EARTH am I supposed to humiliate myself like that again?
Just a thought: Maybe it's just OK to initiate sexual relations and be intimate and physically loving and not focus so much on whether orgasms were achieved or not and that the sex act fizzled out and he gave up and rolled over, which is the scenario I'm getting from your description. Not all love making sessions end in orgasm (I must've read that somewhere) and there obviously are some things with him, either mental or physical, that are interfering with his performance. It was late at night and he was tired, for example. There need not be associated with that the humiliation and pain you felt. Looking at things a little bit differently, changes in the way we think about things, result in different thoughts, and upon those thoughts come different feelings.
Might he also be sexually involved with the OW? That may play into it too, but I brought that up mainly to tell you to please protect yourself!
His behavior the next morning, what you deemed as duplistic, he doesn't see it that way. By the next morning he had already left the ML session behind and being emotionally divorced from you, he can tell you he's leaving and invite you to brunch in the same breath. He's not thinking about how his actions affect you. That's why you must practice becoming detached from how his actions affect you. I try to say to myself, when I get tossed one of those WAS WTFs, I say, "Well, what can I expect? She's a WAW. It is what it is. It doesn't mean anything that I should get upset over. What else can I expect from a WAS?" And that's the thing, that our WASs are going to act like WASs. So expect that there will plenty of WTFs, and just let them roll off your back.
And good for you for leaving the cell phone alone.
sill_n_love333, I don't know where I've been all your life, but I'm available now! Thank you for your unexpected compliment.
