I don't believe them on that yet... I don't believe moving on or joining a gym would make him stay...
Like you said, it's not that simple. Neither is anyone presenting it just that simplistically, don't think. And I don't think anyone here is misrepresenting themselves either so as to give you any reason to doubt them as they relate their experiences. Gee I wish you'd give it a 100% try. But that's up to you. I can tell you I wish I had known about this stuff from day one.
There have been some posts I've read from people posting stuff they were going through, the same stuff just like you two are. Others here then post stuff like I'm writing, urging them to try. Then you read their thread a bit further, and finally out of sheer desperation it looks like, they start putting these things into practice, and you read further and they're seeing results they didn't see before. They start having, "Aha!" moments. What you're doing now is resulting in what you're getting now. Why keep doing the same things that don't get anywhere and just give you heart ache?
Bustingonline and Soccermom, you can scoff at these methods, even though DB is what this site is about, but I can tell you it's been working for me. My pain is a lot less than it used to be, though I still have moments, but they're truly limited to just moments. My WAW's not back, but she's thinking of me a lot and wants to see me regularly and misses me, though she's not ready to come back. We don't fight. We don't argue. We have a good time when we're together. That's a far, far cry from where we used to be. And though we don't know how my little love story ends, so far, it's pretty much textbook. If it stays on track, sooner or later her new relationship will probably fizzle, odds are, and she'll be disappointed in what she did, and I'll be looking real good then in that day, and if I'm still interested I can work on things with her, and if I'm not interested, I can tell her it's too late. And if it doesn't work out that way, I hope to be in another relationship I like even better, someday.
I can also tell you that from the sounds of it, you guys are going to give yourself lots of anguish and anger and agita in the months to come. You're trying to analyze what's going in your spouse's head and their reasons for doing this or that, you're venting in front of them, saying things that irritate the situation, drawing your lines in the sand and so on. You think acting on your feelings is going to resolve things for you, but it won't. At worse, you'll end up burning bridges and that's not going to make you any happier than you are now. At best, what you're doing is going to keep your situations just where they are.
why would that piss him off
Who knows? It doesn't matter. Don't try to read minds. Thoughts and reasons can be anything, and chances are, you'll not figure it out. Even if you do, they can change their thoughts and reasons in the next second, and sometimes they don't even know why they're saying or doing something. So if you try to read minds, it will be a never ending series for you of analyzing every action, every word, every look on their face. What's more important to deal with are actual events and outcomes.
I know it takes more than that but that's just what it feels like I'm doing right now
Basing what you do on intelligent, purposeful thought is much better than basing it on feelings. Feelings are erratic, and change. Very often people do things based on feelings and regret it later. Your H was acting on his feelings, and look at the mess that made.
doesn't he see that it's HIS FAULT that I snoop!!!
That would be the same logic as him blaming you for making him cheat. Own the responsibility for your own actions, whether you decide to snoop or not.
I'm anxious to go to the MC Wednesday so he can kick H in the butt and tell him to sh** or get off the pot!
Whoa!! Are you going to a MC or a WWF meet?
Why should H listen to what the MC says if H wants to do what he wants to do?
