Emmely--I have a hard time with making suggestions when it comes to OWs. Mine had one for a few months and I was devastated by that. He told me many times that he didn't love her but he kept seeing her. In fact, he thought she was really bad for him but he couldn't seem to get away. But it was hurtful to think of them together and I had a hard time getting past that. He told me more than once he was looking for "comfort" with her. He didn't like being alone, but he didn't want to be with me right then either. He never said he wanted a D--he would say he was in no hurry to do anything. I had to work really hard to put my mind on other things to keep from thinking about him and OW. It was really hard. I spent lots of time with friends, starting volunteering at the animal shelter, just doing anything I could think of to keep busy. I couldn't just sit around home cuz the anxiety would be worse there. So I guess that would be my suggestion--keep as busy as you can.
I didn't find DB until several months into the S. I had already had a few dates with an old friend (which was just a distraction) and when H found out he was really broken hearted--and that's when he finally gave up OW for good. We still stayed S though. I did all the wrong things too. It took several months to get somewhat comfortable with DB. Even though it made sense it was so hard to do the opposite of what I was doing. We started spending more time together. I think he was really wanting to know for sure that my changes were for real.
He also said he wanted me to leave him alone for awhile and stop pestering him. He said he wanted to miss me. And when we were together he didn't want to make a big deal out of it, he just wanted me "to be there".
I think you are doing the right things and you have the right attitude. Forgiveness and unconditional love are so important--that and patience. There are probably those that think you should kick him to the curb now because he is with someone else, but usually they haven't experienced it and they really don't understand. And keep working on being attractive inside and out--not just for him but for you too. For all the relationships you have in your life. And trusting in God and giving it all to him is so helpful too. Keep that attitude that he is going to come back. Confidence and positive mental attitude (PMA) are attractive too.
Have a life of your own too. Let him see that you can be ok without him. My H was frustrated that I looked to him for entertainment, comfort, everything! He felt really pressured.
Try not to worry about competing with OW. You just be yourself--happy, kind and enjoying life. Chances are that isn't going to be her, because she is going to begin to feel she is competing and she may just drive him away with her pressure.
Please check in--I really want to know how you are doing and if I can offer support anytime, I'm glad to. Seems you are doing pretty well so far. Remember, patience.
