My H's mother recently divorced. She had been S for a few years. She is 56. Lately she has been very lonely and depressed and really wants to have someone to share her life with. She gets out and has lots of friends and lots of things to do but she doesn't have a special someone. She gets really sad sometimes. She and my H are quite alike and are usually pretty close. During the time we were S he wouldn't talk to her and she didn't understand why. I kept assuring her that he would come around eventually. And he did after a few months.
My H is not a guy that talks about his feelings or anyone elses. This Friday night we were all at a birthday party and having a good time with friends but I noticed she just wasn't as into it as she usually is. She ended up leaving early. She told me the next day that on her way out she ran into my H in the hall and he asked her where she was going. She told him she was sad and just wasn't really in the mood to party tonight. He told her he knew exactly how she felt and knew it was hard. He told her when he left me he was completely lost, just kinda floating around. He knew that even though she can light up a room when she comes in and make a party wherever she goes, sometimes she just doesn't feel like it and he understood that cuz that's how he is too. And they both realized they got frustrated and angry when they didn't feel like being the party but everyone expected it of them when they walked in. I knew this about her cuz she has told me, but I didn't really realize it with him. They talked about how some people didn't understand what they were going through and how they just wanted someone to be on their side. H told her he had a hard time finding someone to be on his side except me. He told her that's why he came back because I was on his side--I was his anchor. He was lost and he realized he needed me to be his "base". No one else was doing that for him. Believe me, DB is what helped me be on his side! When I wanted to tell him what a sh!t he was, I DB'd instead--smile and validate.
He ended the convo with his mom by walking her out to her car, hugging her and telling her he loved her! She could not believe he was doing this. He told her he cared and to let him know if she needed anything.
She and I were both a little shocked at this. I knew he had feelings but he never shares them like that. He made her feel so much better. And she told him that the next day. I am so proud of him for doing that. The only one weird thing about it is he didn't want her to tell me about what he did. I don't really understand that and I can't ask cuz I'm not supposed to know. I'm curious but it isn't about me so I've got to let it go.
Even though we have been back together since June, life is not a bowl of cherries all the time. I am very tempted to fall back into the old patterns and have to work hard to keep moving forward and not back. Sometimes I think I'm doing all the work and he's doing nothing. But what he did for his mother makes me realize he is trying too--and I keep having hope.
