I do alot of lurking on the boards, just about every day. I haven't had much to say lately though. So I got on here to try to force myself to think. I want to make sure I'm not taking anything for granted here. I've noticed a few times lately I have dropped everything to attend to something he wanted me to do. And I do it out of fear, fear that he won't want me if I don't. And it makes me feel bad inside and I don't like that. I feel bad about me. Today he called and asked me if I could bring him some lunch at work. I could but I had to do a couple other things first so it was going to take me a little while to get to it. He said never mind and I immediately got anxious--even though I didn't let him know. I got my other errands done in about an hour and I called him to see if he had lunch yet. He didn't and I offered but he said no, he'd deal with it, didn't have time right now. So then I'm feeling rejected--aargh! Had to start talking to myself right away. I didn't have time to get there when he wanted me to--and that is okay! He was fine with it and I should be too. It isn't a deal breaker--he isn't going to move out cuz I couldn't bring his lunch! It seems so dumb when I put it in writing Oh-well. I got through it without bringing him in for reassurance. Good for me.

Something else I've noticed for awhile and wanted to note: It makes a really big difference how I answer the phone when he calls. I try to do it a little different each time. Always with a smile, always sounding like I'm glad to talk to him. And he responds the same. Before the bomb, I answered like I could really care less if he called and neither of us had much to say. Much better now.

Started the KLA tapes today--they're great!