I think for me being suspicious and worrying just makes me feel so bad that I try to avoid it. Sometimes I am tempted to snoop or I start stinkin thinkin if he doesn't check in with me after work. Then I really have to talk to myself. I don't like me like that. I like the me that can look at the glass half full instead of half empty. I like the me that isn't a victim (he must be doing something wrong to me because I'm always a victim). I don't like the me that tries to manipulate him into saying something that would verify my suspicions. It is all so much work and it just hurts us both.
Trusting is hard, but it feels good when you can be successful. I've just got to do it. I've got to believe that my changes have made me the one he wants to be with and that he has no reason to lie or cheat because I don't deserve it. He loves me and he wouldn't do that to me. He is here with me now and the only reason that could be is that he wants to. He had his own place and was doing just fine by himself, but he wanted to be with me--he decided he wanted to continue our M. He didn't say this to me and he won't, but I can tell by his actions.
Trusting and forgiving is for us. I feel so much better if I can trust and forgive. I don't want to feel those bad feelings of mistrust and negativity anymore. I just want to be happy and I can only do that for myself.
