Journaling: A little slip last night. He doesn't know it, but I do. I hadn't talked to him all day, which is not unusual. Made dinner for me and my son and saved some for H, which is not unusual either. By 8 pm I'm a little upset that he hasn't called, but it isn't totally unusual either. I start thinking those old thoughts about how disrespectful he is and how he isn't thinking of me. Me, me, me!

By 10 pm I'm getting a little anxious but I'm reminding myself to trust and it calms me a little. I'm thinking I should call, but what would I say? I'm calling to check up on you?! What if he didn't answer the phone, or was short with me--that would make it worse. At about 10:20 my phone beeps me that it has a message. He says he will call me back. But I call him. He's at the club helping clean the air filtration filters. He's just hanging with his friends and doing his usual social butterflying. By this time I had been crying and started to let the old stinkin thinkin come in. But I was fine on the phone and he never suspected.

Then I was disappointed in myself for letting this happen. He wasn't ignoring me or disrespecting me. He was in his world doing what he does. I've known this about him since I met him. He is very social and needs to be doing something all the time. It isn't unusual for him to not come home after work and just go hang with his friends. And I decided to accept that about him. Can't change it. But when he gets home he is happy as a clam and wants to tell me all about his night and . Anyway, I kept thinking I need to let him know I would appreciate a call at some point. But then I think, do I really need him to call. We don't have a set dinner time and he wouldn't do this if we had other plans. He is not being rude, he is just being him. And usually he does call before it gets that late.

And I have a life and don't feel that I have to sit around and wait.

I've got to continue to deal with my trust issues. I know giving him a hard time about this is only going to push him away and it really isn't that big of a deal. It just was last night for some reason.

So many things to keep learning about me and how I can choose to react about stuff.