Yesterday was kinda tough. I was really in the mood to be reassured by H. All day I tried to get my mind off that. I called him in the morning and asked if he wanted to have lunch. He said he couldn't cuz he had to run errands. Before I called I told myself my feelings would not be hurt if he said no, but, of course, they were. I didn't say anything, but I was disappointed. I know he is busy at work and even if he does have time for lunch he usually wants to have lunch alone to regroup before he goes back to work. I know that, yet I take it personal when he can't have lunch with me! ARRGH, this is so hard sometimes! He did tell me he didn't have plans in the evening and would be home. I reminded him that I had to be at the lodge for his mother's installation ceremony and he said he would come to that. So he knew I wanted to spend time with him and he offered an alternative.
We spent time with friends last night and had a good time. He had to leave before me and as he was going out he rested his hand on the back of my neck and gave me a little squeeze and said he'd see me later. Doesn't seem like much, but for him it was big and made me feel good.
I just wanted to feel connected but I didn't most of yesterday. That is really a hard time for me. I just want to grab the rope and give it a hard tug to pull him close to me. But, alas, that does not work! Just makes him go in the opposite direction. Well, at least I know that now!
