Thanks, Ellie--good idea, that helps take off some of the pressure, I think, if I do it with some humor--not like I am going to be hurt if he doesn't do it.
Journaling: Having a hard time posting for myself here. I've done so much emotional venting and right now things are pretty good so I don't feel much need to vent. Things are not perfect by any means, but I do feel some peace. Letting go of things has helped me feel peaceful. I'm not driving myself crazy trying to control what everyone else is doing. Sometimes I slip a little, but I just keep moving forward.
There are some things that I'm letting lie right now that I know need to be worked on at some point. I don't talk to my family much and I know I'm just avoiding them. I need to deal with it. I'm having trouble sticking to a budget and find myself overspending. That is frustrating me and I hate being broke! I guess that is a goal I should have for myself--learning how to take care of my money!
With H home, I have to remind myself to keep up GAL. I sometimes want to hang around the house just in case. Gotta get out--don't want him thinking I'm there waiting.
The money thing was a huge issue for me, especially with the dramatic change in circumstances of marriage separation and H not able to provide much $$ assistance at the start.
I have used Money and Quicken in the past, but have found the easiest and simplest way to manage my budget is in a spreadsheet.
On the left hand side at the top I list my income and have a column for the budget amount and another column for what came in this week. Underneath that I have a section with my bank accounts and their available balances.
On the right hand side at the top I list all my expenses, again with a budget column and current week column. The next section underneath lists upcoming expenses I need to be aware of. And the bottom section lists all my debts or liabilities with a column for total owing and another column for any arrears.
This is what works for me, and I found that I originally started with approximately $12,000 debt and am now down to less than $10,000. I can send you a copy of it if you wanted to adapt it to your situation.
And I agree about GAL. Keep doing what makes you happy. Your happiness is within you, not dependent onw aht your H does.
Current Thread Me: 39, H: 35 Kids: S14/D13/D11 1995-04 Married 2003-08 Bomb 2003-09 Separated
Nessie, I would like to see your spreadsheet. I have one too, but not as detailed as yours. Maybe I need to keep more info on it than I do. I just have have upcoming bills and income. It really is more of a projection than anything, and it isn't that helpful. My e-mail is molliejw@comcast.net
thanks for the reminder--yes, my happiness is within me. I have to look for it cuz it doesn't come naturally yet, but when I realize I am finding it, it feels great! Thanks!
Hi Vanessa, would you send me a copy of your budget spread sheet? I'm trying to find something that works. My email is debbyarlay@yahoo.com (I know we arent supposed to do that) I'd sure appreciate seeing what you've developed.
Journaling: Had a little argument over money last night, but I actually listened, understood his point and we resolved it.
The one that is really making me say WOW happened this morning. I had my oil changed yesterday and when H got home he saw it was leaking on the garage floor. Well I got it changed at his shop so he was annoyed. When he told me about it I first thought he was joking, but he wasn't. Instead of asking him what he was going to do or what I should do about it, I just sat and waited. I could see he was processing the info and couldn't talk about it at the moment. He made a couple of out loud suggestions and then said he'd look at it in the morning. I just smiled and listened. This morning it turns out the filter wasn't on right, so he crawled under and fixed it and told me to go back to the shop today to have them look at it and top it off. I thanked him a couple of times and he said "your're welcome". But here is the WOW part: as I was walking out the door to go to work, he said "sorry". I was so stunned I couldn't even respond. I was halfway out the door and just kept going. I'm sorry now that I didn't say anything but he NEVER apologizes for anything. He is usually defensive and I think it is because I would usually go into attack mode and not give him time to process and come up with a solution. WOW!
Journaling: Had a little argument over money last night, but I actually listened, understood his point and we resolved it.
The one that is really making me say WOW happened this morning. I had my oil changed yesterday and when H got home he saw it was leaking on the garage floor. Well I got it changed at his shop so he was annoyed. When he told me about it I first thought he was joking, but he wasn't. Instead of asking him what he was going to do or what I should do about it, I just sat and waited. I could see he was processing the info and couldn't talk about it at the moment. He made a couple of out loud suggestions and then said he'd look at it in the morning. I just smiled and listened. This morning it turns out the filter wasn't on right, so he crawled under and fixed it and told me to go back to the shop today to have them look at it and top it off. I thanked him a couple of times and he said "your're welcome". But here is the WOW part: as I was walking out the door to go to work, he said "sorry". I was so stunned I couldn't even respond. I was halfway out the door and just kept going. I'm sorry now that I didn't say anything but he NEVER apologizes for anything. He is usually defensive and I think it is because I would usually go into attack mode and not give him time to process and come up with a solution. WOW!
Journaling: Had a little argument over money last night, but I actually listened, understood his point and we resolved it.
The one that is really making me say WOW happened this morning. I had my oil changed yesterday and when H got home he saw it was leaking on the garage floor. Well I got it changed at his shop so he was annoyed. When he told me about it I first thought he was joking, but he wasn't. Instead of asking him what he was going to do or what I should do about it, I just sat and waited. I could see he was processing the info and couldn't talk about it at the moment. He made a couple of out loud suggestions and then said he'd look at it in the morning. I just smiled and listened. This morning it turns out the filter wasn't on right, so he crawled under and fixed it and told me to go back to the shop today to have them look at it and top it off. I thanked him a couple of times and he said "your're welcome". But here is the WOW part: as I was walking out the door to go to work, he said "sorry". I was so stunned I couldn't even respond. I was halfway out the door and just kept going. I'm sorry now that I didn't say anything but he NEVER apologizes for anything. He is usually defensive and I think it is because I would usually go into attack mode and not give him time to process and come up with a solution. WOW!
Quote: I'm sorry now that I didn't say anything but he NEVER apologizes for anything. He is usually defensive and I think it is because I would usually go into attack mode and not give him time to process and come up with a solution. WOW!
yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm betting that you are 100% correct on what was different about this time. WAITING and letting my h process stuff on his own time frame has made a HUGE difference in our interactions.
Good for you for your role in the exchange! You did a GREAT job!!!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I am emailing my spreadsheet to you now. 