Larjo--the conversations were always pretty short. I always answered the phone smiling with a happy note to my voice even if I felt like crap. I wanted him to hear that I was feeling good and happy that he was calling. He would ask me what I was doing and I always had something even if I made it up. I might say I just got home and he would want to know where I was--out with friends. Sometimes he wanted to know who and sometimes he didn't. Sometimes I said friends from work that he didn't know. Or sometimes I was just folding laundry. Then I'd ask what he was doing and he would go into where he had just been and with who and what they were doing. I would ask at least one question about the event to show interest. If it was a negative thing, I would validate and take his side. If it was positive I would comment on how great it was. Usually the calls were in the evening between 8 and 10. He sometimes gave me an opening to ask if he wanted company for the night and he would say, "if you want to". He can never say he wants me too. Something about that is very hard for him. Before I would take that as he didn't really care, but now I see that is just the only way he can do it.
Most of the time I didn't talk about me unless he asked something and then I didn't always give much. And he didn't want to talk about "us" either. He just wanted to have comfortable, friendly conversations, and for me to sound happy to hear from him--sometimes I would tell him I was glad he called.
I will also say there were period of uncomfortable silence during these calls. Neither knew what to say. But at least I didn't use that silence as a beginning to an R talk or sarcasm. Most calls were less than 5 minutes and a lot of them ended with me accepting his "invitation" to come over.
My advice is listen, try to read between the lines (he wouldn't be calling if he didn't want to talk to you, even if he can't say it). Ask about him and what he's doing. Validate. Let it all be about him, soon he will start asking more about you.
Try to let him do more of the contact initiation. Give him some control over little things like that. Let him run the show for a while. This worked for me anyway.
Keep track of the positive results--don't dwell on what you might have seen as a negative--that just might be an assumption on your part.
