It is very hard in the beginning. You are learning a new lifestyle and you have spent many years learning the one you already know. So it does take lots of time, patience and hard work.
I think it would be harder to forgive if my H never admitted to the A. But OW called me (anonymously) and told me about it. Now, her, I can't forgive yet. I have lots of anger toward her but I never showed it to her. I spent a lot of time with her D10 and I think she betrayed me and her kids by doing what she did. And she is a real skank! Different men at her place all the time. But my H was the best she'd had. He has a good job, nice car and a little money. She and her other guys are alcoholics and have nothing. I felt so bad for her kids, D10 and D2. I could tell her D10 was really worried about her. Sometimes she would be gone for a couple of days and her D10 was sad (she left them with some homeless people she let move in to help her pay her mortgage and have someone to be with the girls). My H was someone I didn't recognize--he had been sober for 10 years and he was drinking and running around with really weird people. But that is MLC for ya!
However, the more you practice DB, the better you will get and the more he is going to get comfortable and feel good around you. Keep it up!
Stillnlove--I never really had my own thread, I spent a lot of time on others with people in the same sitch and we would encourage each other. If you click on my name you can then click on "see all users posts" and pick up some stuff there.
We were S for 11 months and in the last 6 months was when I was DBing.
I can totally relate to the control thing cuz I want to control everything! And I am working really hard and letting go of that control, not just of H but of other things in my life that I cannot really control. It has given me some peace, finally!
Letting go is so important--it is good for me and my growth and good for H too. Letting him be who he is without my judging and manipulating him to try to get him to be what I think he should be should be has really made a difference. He is becoming more concerned about my feelings and wants to spend more time with me.
But, you have to both be ready before you get back together. I really wasn't ready for a long time and not sure if I am ready now, but it is a risk I'm willing to take. I've got a great DB toolbox to help me!
There are lots of great people on here with wonderful advice. Read everything you can. The support and understanding gets me through.
