Quote:

She is the kind of kid that is very observant and doesn't hold back in her opinion about anything. In a way I think she is trying to be match maker. She doesn't want us to split up and has been very vocal about it. She has told us both if we separate she will never accept anyone else. She will be angry and retaliate.



Cally, here is my opinion...your husband is suffering from depression, the depression stems from his inability to "satisfy you," he is in need of someone to talk to about this and your daughter was placed in a position that only puts a burden on her.

Your husband is angry at himself and he is projecting that off onto you. He is feeling insecure and afraid you will find someone who can keep you satisfied in a way he can't seem to. His anger and fear have caused him to engage in a conversation with your daughter that should not have taken place.

It is not your daughter's job to sooth this man. It is not her job to match make. It is not her job to listen to his fears and sooth them. It is not her job to worry about what might be going on in your relationship with each other.

I'm sure it is not his intentions to hurt her and I know it is not your intentions for her to be hurt. Don't be blinding though and don't think that just because she is smart and observant that she won't be hurt by being put in the middle of the two of you.

Someone here needs therapy. It's been my experience that the person who needs therapy the most is the one who will refuse it. Your husband would balk at the idea I'm sure.

If you are not very careful it will be your daughter who ends up in therapy and with a multitude of problems because she has been handed a responsibility that is not hers to carry.

You need to tell her that your relationship with him is not something she should concern herself with. You need to tell your husband that if she asks hem anymore questions that he needs to tell her the same thing. Someone better do something before your daughter ends up feeling as if she is the one holding you two together.

I know from experience that it takes very little to cause some pretty heavy emotional turmoil in a child. My children have lived through a divorce. They have been protected, have been exposed to very little that has gone on between their father and I. It's been minimal confusion for them but it has still caused some big problems.

Get her out of the middle before she ends up suffering for something she didn't start in the first place.
Cathy