From the bottom of my heart..thank-you for all the replies here. I really had no where to turn to talk to anyone about this. We both have the same set of friends. I didn't want to talk to my mom because she will take sides with being for me. If the marriage works I hate for my parents to hate him.
All of you are so wonderful on this board. I am glad I found it. You have given me so much to think about and so much helpful advice.
You know when I confronted him about saying that to our daughter he defended it. He said the conversation started because my daughter sensed that our marriage was in trouble. She was worried because her bio father she is not close to. My husband has been the only daddy she has ever known. So she started by asking about the relationship.I am still trying to ask her about all that was said. But I think he was giving her the impression that I may be cheating on him. I have been going out with friends or just shopping alone. All I have done for years is stay in the house and do things with my children or take them with me, etc. So in working on me I have seen I need some time to just unwind away from this situation. But based on things she has said and asked I feel he was leading her to think I am cheating. He said my daughter asked if he ever cheated and he said no. And then he went in to tell her about the 20 year old from work. My daughter is a strong willed very opinionated child that is not afraid to tell someone what she thinks. And she said she told him you are old enough to be her dad that is gross. I was so angry but he defended it. I told him that I don't ever want to hear anything like that come out of his mouth again when he is around our children. That they are children not some bar room buddy.His first reaction was shut the hell up. Then he said what she was asking about.
Thanks for the link to that book and the other books that were mentioned.
