Quote: How do you help the situation if the other spouse is not willing to meet your needs? Another hard question is how do you work on the marriage if the other spouse won't open up and just talk to you.
I haven't read SSM, but my impression is that all of Michele's work is based on the premise that one person can change the R. Have you read DR (Divorce Remedy)? That has a good chapter on how to ask for what you want. It also makes clear that if your partner is not in a place to care what you want, then you need to quit asking and go directly to the LRT (last resort technique).
Quote: He once said an important thing to me....I feel I can treat you anyway I want to because you will never leave.
That lack of respect is the real problem, IMO. And you can't make anyone else respect you. First you have to respect yourself. It's telling that you equate self-respect with leaving the R. What would it look like to respect yourself within the R? (It takes a while to get past the angry, reactive, "F/U, I'm outta here" thoughts and get to the real, moderate, compassionate, loving answer that is respectful of everyone.) If in fact your first answer ends up being your final answer, then that would be sad, but remember that there is no possibility of a healthy and satisfying R without self respect. (We've all spent plenty of time proving that. No sense in continuing along the path that belabors that point.)
