Why else would he have taken his wedding ring off? Going to a bar to have fun is one thing but deliberately misleading a woman you are talking to is another thing. In addition to that, his wife had no knowledge that he was out doing this so it was NOT an attempt to display his lack of fusion. In fact, I would question whether he is truly differentiated from her if he needs other validation from women in bars.
Hmmm. What if it didn't occur to Dave that this was going to happen BEFORE he went out to the bar? He could not have talked with his wife about it because he didn't know himself it was going to happen. So he talked with her afterwards. Yes, he was unsure himself of what happened that night. He went and figured it out by talking with his C and his W. Because of this incident, or maybe some other for all I know, Dave and his W opened up some serious honest dialogue with each other.
Quote: I would have no problem with my spouse going to a bar without me. I would find it suspicious if he didn't tell me he was going and then told me after the fact that he took his wedding ring off and tried to pass himself off as a swingin single man. He doesn't need my "permission" to go to a bar, but I would consider it common courtesy, I suppose.
Well, yeah, at home, but Dave wasn't at home, he was on the other side of the country and I'm sure just went with it. I don't believe he had an intent to mislead, (I'm going to go out to a bar, NOT tell my wife, AND take off my wedding ring to test my lack of FUSION!!) but then again, Dave isn't in court being tried for a crime, either, so...
Quote: I would agree with this, except all this "free choice" came about AFTER he made a ghastly decision to sow his oats for the night. So how free is it? How much freedom of choice did his wife really have that night?
Honey, I don't think Dave is repainting the picture, I think you are assigning premeditated motives to his actions now that the story has been told. A series of events happened. He had serious thoughts about it afterward. He talked with his C and his W, they figured it out. It's all good from where I sit... do I think it would have been cool that he had the coversation with his wife about ALL of that BEFORE it happened? Well, sure.... but he didn't KNOW any of that stuff until it HAPPENED... I think we should cut him a little slack here... he DID keep a grip on himself, you know.
Quote: I would hope that we would all go about figuring out these changes, which are an inevitable part of life, with respect and love towards our mate. To me, there is NOTHING differentiated about playing games with your M, and nothing further differentiated about a spouse who is so detached that they are ok with it.
Easy to say from the safey of a computer terminal. I think Dave was being caring toward his wife 'cuz he got his azz in gear and figured out what the heck was up... to you it may be a game, and with hindsight it's easy to label it as such. May you never find yourself in the middle of a situation and have a personal crisis attack you.
Quote: I understand that he has a lot of insecurity-type baggage that he is hauling around but the fact that he couldn't FIRST go to his spouse and say, Hey I am struggling with something... demonstrates to me that he is not nearly as de-fused as he thinks he is.
He didn't know FIRST, Honey. And sometimes, no, you can't go to your spouse first. Wouldn't it be great that you could and never have to run the risk of making a mistake.
