Why Would a Married Man Do This?

[NotATLDave]

honey,

You are right...I am rewriting history to some degree because I've developed a better sense of understanding about what was behind that. That particular night was just a compulsive thing and was bad...I don't deny that. But from every mistake I make, I try to learn something. The weeks following that forced me to introspect because yah...I felt bad. I talked to my W about how I was feeling afterwards.

Let me ask you this....

How would it make you feel if your spouse said "I love you and I'm committed to you but sometimes I miss being single". Would it hurt you to hear that? Would it feel threatening to have your spouse say that?

That is great if you are your W are differentiated enough to handle such an event, but what about the women you are in contact with, at the bar? Is it fair to involve them in a Baggage Riddance experiment?

Geez, It's not a freakin' experiment...it's simply having some beers and chips at a bar with the added element of me trying to be a better listener, less anxious, and a self-evaluation at the end of the night. It's not just woman, it's anyone I can get the guts to say "hi" to. This has nothing to do with sex, gender, or desire. I'm simply trying to get the balls to socialize with strangers and yes, some happen to be women. We talk about everything from the family to cultural symbolism of the color red. While interacting, I just try to pay a bit more attention to how my anxiety, eye-contact, etc. is behaving. When I leave, I call home and give a recap to the W who says "I'm glad you had a nice time...I'm proud of you for being able to do that".

Does your wife have any personal boundaries that pertain to you and your M? It seems that she goes along with whatever comes down the pike.

Great question! This is at the core of my issues with her. In my (sarc) rule book, I (sarc)"assign meaning" to it as "she must not give a sh!t about me if she doesn't care what I do". I have been behaving for years according to self-imposed boundaries. If she won't tell me what her boundaries are, then why should I put them on myself. Sounds pretty threatening doesn't it? Sounds like I'm going to behave a certain way until she tells me otherwise...doesn't it? We'll see. I'm free do dig my own grave if I want, or take the family on a vacation.