Why Would a Married Man Do This?

[honeypot]

Because I am trying out my lack of fusion in a bar, does that mean I AM there to get laid?

Why else would he have taken his wedding ring off? Going to a bar to have fun is one thing but deliberately misleading a woman you are talking to is another thing. In addition to that, his wife had no knowledge that he was out doing this so it was NOT an attempt to display his lack of fusion. In fact, I would question whether he is truly differentiated from her if he needs other validation from women in bars.

But why would a spouse have a problem with the other spouse being in a bar without them?

I would have no problem with my spouse going to a bar without me. I would find it suspicious if he didn't tell me he was going and then told me after the fact that he took his wedding ring off and tried to pass himself off as a swingin single man. He doesn't need my "permission" to go to a bar, but I would consider it common courtesy, I suppose.

It is my personal opinion that BECAUSE Dave and his W have given each other the freedom to explore and find themselves within a mutually AGREED UPON arena, they have given themselves the best opportunity to realign their trust and honesty with one another out of free choice, not marital mandate or religious ethic/code.

I would agree with this, except all this "free choice" came about AFTER he made a ghastly decision to sow his oats for the night. So how free is it? How much freedom of choice did his wife really have that night?

How do you figure that out?

I would hope that we would all go about figuring out these changes, which are an inevitable part of life, with respect and love towards our mate. To me, there is NOTHING differentiated about playing games with your M, and nothing further differentiated about a spouse who is so detached that they are ok with it.

I understand that he has a lot of insecurity-type baggage that he is hauling around but the fact that he couldn't FIRST go to his spouse and say, Hey I am struggling with something... demonstrates to me that he is not nearly as de-fused as he thinks he is.

H.