Wow Thanks for all the responses to this thread. It has given me a lot to think about.

I don't feel like I try to to be to controling of my husband. He has had playboy magazines and I never said a word. He has looked at porno on the web or even a video. I haven't said anything. I have watched the movies with him. He has commented on a pretty girl before on television. I don't get offended. But to look at a dating site and be searching our areas is just so off limits to me.

I agree with what some have said about masturbation and that it is wrong to tell your spouse they should not do this. I know masturbation is normal for both sexes. But to do it in place of having an intimate relationship with a spouse is wrong to me. To do it when you know your spouse is unfullfilled is wrong to me. To do it in the middle of an evening when your spouse is right there wanting you is wrong to me.

Well, I did confront him and it led to a huge blow up. He said he only looked at this site to see if I was watching what he was doing on the web. Seems like a weird and lame excuse. My husband doesn't like to be wrong about anything. So therefore if he has done something he often will lie right to my face. He tries to turn the tables onto me and pout me to blame for everything in our marriage.

Like paying bills he claims he don't like the way I do it. So I told him by all means take it over. Then he will have an excuse for that. Our kid's are in school and he wanted me to work. So I got a job and he complains about that. It's not enough hours, not enough pay. Well, I was out of the work force for a long time raising our children. I have to start somewhere and gain experience and a work history again. Mean time I can look for something better. But it's a start and I was proud of myself. But he puts me down.

The sex thing..interesting. His ex wife has told people that he didn't satisfy her sexually. I confronted him about that. She also cheated on him during the marriage. I told him what am I supposed to think when it's the same thing I would say. He said she is just a liar. She is the one who didn't want sex. He use to come home from work every night and try to get it all the time. He was always after it. I said well what was it about her because I consider myself better looking. He said I had a sex drive back then. Then I noticed lately he has been checking up on me. He wrote down the password and screen name for this account. He has been on the web checking around as to what I am doing daily when I am not here. He checks the phone ID a lot when typically he never looks at it or answers calls. He has been angry it seems when I go out.
I have taken some advice here and I am trying to work on me. So I have went out with friends a couple times. Went out with family, etc. Just getting out again and smiling and doing things I use to enjoy.
So I told him I could understand why he would be insecure that he would be checking up on me. Because he does know that he don't satisfy me sexually and I haven't wanted or even spoke about having sex with him in two weeks. I told him if you have a question or concern just ask me. He blew up at this. Telling me isn't insecure and doesn't give a darn what I am doing. Repeating often that he don't care. I said then why write down my password and screen name for a site I visit. He said only because I was curious. I don't even know the web site.
Then he said the reason he doesn't have sex with me is because he doesn't want to. I told me I am a Bi***. And that is why he don't want to. He said that is the reason he can't get an erection. I told him it don't matter if I am vocal and lash out at him over this. Or if I am sweet and silent. None of it matters I have tried everything. I also pointed out that this has been going on for 8 years. And the first year and half of that I was working making good money and wasn't around him that much to have him mad at me. Back then I cleaned the house, did all the yard work, ran all the errands and did all the shopping. I went to all the kid's conferences and volunteered at their school during the day. And still tried to make time for him. Like running him lunch at work, etc. I was plain wore out from doing everything myself. There was no team playing.
So today I am at a loss. He blames everything one me for everything. He thinks he is perfect and does no wrong. I really think it is a hopeless situation. I left for work yesterday crying. And he said yeah it hurts doesn't it.