In the beginning of our relationship, H was fun and exciting. After we married, he was fun and exciting with other people but not with me. I always felt like he thought he was doing me some kind of favor by being married to me. Like I owed him something and I should just be happy that he tolerated me.
I gave and gave and rarely got anything back. The rare times he was giving emotionally was when he wanted something.
You have articulated this better than I can. H summed up our relationship a year ago. His idea of a relationship is someone gives the sh!t and someone takes the sh!t.
I saw all of these red flags before we married but I ignored them and I have no idea why. None of my friends liked him. My parents despised him. Perhaps I had a little us vs. them mentality?
I see so many similarities between our H's. They both have the attitude that the world revolves around them and we are just meant to serve them when they feel like letting us. They are obnoxious and self-centered.
When I look back at my marriage, H was truly awful to me. Not all of the time but the majority of the time. I spent most of my time walking on eggshells trying to please him and it never worked.
I don't know if your H was ever verbally abusive. Mine was. It didn't start until the last few years of our marriage. Before the name calling started he was condescending a lot of the time. The verbal abuse escalated when he thought he was losing control of me.
I highly doubt they will change. I found that the more I Dbed the worse he treated me. He saw me as a doormat. Has that been your experience?
