I agree, I think there is value in trying to figure out - what is MLC and what are fundamental flaws in H you just overlooked? If he magically came out of his MLC, what exactly would you be getting - and would you want it now?
Me - I knew that under all the MLC craziness, there was still the basically good guy I had married. And although I am somewhat painfully more aware of his flaws now that I may have glossed over in the past, none of them are serious enough to change my feelings about him.
But when you talk about your H- it's hard to tell, did he use to be a good guy, or was he always self-centered and obnoxious? I guess one way to answer this is, what did other people think of him before the affairs? Did friends and family think he was great - or were they always troubled by him?
And yes, I think the bigger question is, what is it in you that you ignored the red flags, if they were there early in the R?
