Cultivating Self Love

[Underdog]

Hi LNL,

Looks like you've got some good input here today! As always, they are really good observations and gentle suggestions.

I found Jennifer's observations very true in my own. After such a long time of holding control over our R, suddenly, Mr. W. realized that when I made the decision to remove the decision from his table that he no longer had the control.

And that made him angry.

While he wasn't nasty like your H is being, he snapped at me and made comments that suggested he was a martyr. And I found them a little nauseating.

So just toughen up and know he's reacting to not holding sole control over the decision--it's not you, it's him. You've heard it before and I'm sure you'll get sick if you keep hearing it here.

But you can do all of this without having to match him on nasty and resentful (he seems to be doing enough for both of you, doesn't he?). Use the knowledge that you've learned over the past few months--and you've been doing beautifully with this lately--and apply it to the NOW.

Be firm but gentle. Let him know with your words and actions that you are playing by a consistent set of rules and aren't out to hurt him. Your actions will show this best, and after a few times of trying to engage you in old patterns that do not work, he'll quit behaving badly.

There are consequences for indecision, as we both know. It's time for him to understand this as well.

Betsey