But first we had a coffee together for five minutes. He asked me what I thought of Dogville. I told him. He said, of course Van Thiers (the director) is a moralist (and H "hates" moralists)
He said he liked the speech at the end by Rose's father, about arrogance. Then he said, well, I'm the one to talk!
I gave him a couple of items of his post that had arrived here in the last few days. I asked him to please have the address at the bank changed to his current address. He looked at me with great hatred, and said, I still own half of that house and I don't see why my post shouldn't go there. I said, seeing as you haven't lived here for the last two years, better to have your post going to your place, don't you think?
H says, my stuff never reaches me (he is referring to a package that was not delivered). I said, plenty of stuff hasn't reached me over the years, at various addresses, it is the fault of the sometimes crappy postal system in this country, not the address you live at.
I had to remined him in the bank again to change the address. He said, just throw my post in the bin.
I said, if you are not that worried what happens to your post, then it is not things going astray that you are worried about, obviously. I am sorry, I don't want to have to deal with your post. I asked the bank clerk to please change the address, which he did.
H says, I don't even have a key to the house I bought!
He said, you sent me up books (with D last visit) that I don't even have a use for. You are just being a bitch!
I replied, you have chosen not to live with me, so you can take your stuff up to where you live.
There was a lot I could have said there, but I didn't.
We took my name off of our joint account. H said, a joint account is supposed to be one where you BOTH put money in. (A jibe at my "not working".) I said, there are no rules to govern that aspect. He said, of course there aren't, with heavy sarcasm.
He set up the standing order to me. I returned the joint account card. Told him to sign the back as it was a security risk otherwise. He put it straight in his pocket, unsigned. (What's the betting that it gets stolen or mislaid and someone gets money out on it with THEIR signature? Remember, H loses things all the time.)
At the end, he turned his back on me and walked away. He stopped a few steps away and said to me, well Livnlearn, now you have everything, well done!
The MOMENT I stick up for myself at all, H gets nasty and mean. As long as I am pliant, he walks all over me. Takes what he needs, and forgets me the rest of the time.
I definitely need to stick to my boundaries very diligently. How can I show unconditional love to this man in this situation? Any ideas?
I am certainly not going to do any pursuing, inviting or chitchat (initiated from my side) right now.
I really don't bear him any ill will, but I have to stop being his punch bag for all the anger and rage and frustration he feels. It is not easy.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
