I really don't think in my case it is anything more than being keyed up that prevents me from sleeping. I am normally a very sound sleeper. It is only when my brain is working overtime and I'm strung out emotionally that I don't sleep well.
At least, that is what I am telling myself!
About friend on high horse, if there is one thing I have learned from all this, it is not to pick at a sore spot. I will let things ride a little, tomorrow we are going to see a film together, D is coming along too. I have said my bit, she is free to digest it at her pace and do whatever needs to be done. I will continue to be her friend.
But the fact that I am all emotionally wobbly has led to a couple of outbursts with D this evening. We went to a large supermarket so she could pick out an Easter Egg. She chooses one of the most expensive ones, because it has the colours of a certain football team, that she is suddenly into these last two weeks(!) I start on at her, about choosing the most expensive one, and start on one of my "you always....." rants. Even as I am doing it, I realize what a hideous old bag I am being. If you take a kid to a store and say, choose, don't rant about their choice! And I realise that at back of this is my fear of not having enough money.
So I put on the brakes, told D it would be fine. She looked slightly puzzled by this change in response.
But again at dinner I exploded over some silly thing. That is always the warning sign for me that I am feeling under too much pressure, when I react unreasonably harshly with D over small things.
Anyhow, I am meeting H for the bank stuff tomorrow. Going to gear myself up to being bright and breezy and calm and firm about everything.
Wish me luck!
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
