Wow, you have taken the giant bungee leap off the cliff, haven't you?
That's a good way of putting it, Betsey.
You seem to have a good handle on what you need to do to start living life for you and your D, and it's looking like you are happier with this notion.
Well yes, in between the crying bouts! I guess I really am mourning the death of my marriage, and kicking myself for getting involved with a dead beat husband.
I don't know about you, but every so often I go through a period of analyzing the souls in my inner circle--figuring out who is a friend (and what that means, because my definition seems to evolve as I get older) and who is an acquaintance and who is neither. I used to feel bad about it, but no longer do. Because the fact is, we've often outgrown each other and it's time to have less expectations of others and time to fill my calendar with people who bring me gifts and lessons (and vice versa).
Yes, there was a time when I wanted to keep any friend I ever made, but as you travel through life, you realise that you can't keep them all for ever. For many reasons.
I still keep in touch by email (visits once every few years) with friends I had as a child, and they live in other continents around the world.
Today my friend and I exchanged further emails. I detect a slight thaw. The thing is, I have not really accused her of anything awful, more like told her of my feelings of hurt. But she is on her high horse at the moment. I will allow her some time up there.
Have you seen this piece before?
Yup.
Be careful when going back and doing the post mortem on your M. I've found firsthand that if I spend any more time on it than I need to, it's a resentment builder. Touch on it to learn and establish newer and healthier boundaries, but give yourself some slack for choosing to love him the way he is/was and for wanting to keep your family together for your D. It's okay to feel all the things you are feeling as you do this, just make sure you don't let it sit too long.
You are absolutely right about this. It is a temptation to go over and over the same ground.
KWIM?
Which means?????
Now, time to get busy doing things that you want to do and that make you happy, and watching all the movies that you want to watch too!
Yes, this is ONE positive aspect of being on my own! But this week, when I have turned off the computer thinking I would watch a film, I have wound up going to bed early instead, only to wake up early too, to think and fret!
Hugs!
Thanks, I can do with all the hugs I can get right now!
Betsey
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Betsey 
