I had emailed H early Saturday, not only suggesting staying down for a day or two, but also telling him of his landlord's plans of going up with a full car etc (no lift for D). I simply asked them about it when they picked up D on Saturday. He (H) just now 'didn't know their plans and still has to talk to them about it'. Folks, this is the kind of thing I lived with for years.
He didn't mention staying here either. I did ask whether he had received my email, he seemed vague. I described what was in it, he said, oh yeah, I got that one... So, he can't remember anything from one minute to the next.
And it is he who is pulling away from me. I did nothing to bring on this behaviour. But I am not up for being jerked around any more, thank you. I am glad I had that one visit to his place for a few hours, at least I have an idea of the geography of the place my D goes to stay at regularly.
So, H continues to tell me about his plan to pick up D. But first he of course has to ask when exactly are her holiday dates?
I told him I wish to have Saturday free to cycle up to the hills, so I'd like her picked up first thing on Saturday. He says he will get the early bus down and try to pick her up early, but he will confirm that after checking on the bus times tomorrow when he goes up to the nearby town.
Anyhow, then he says he needs to also come down one day this week for some bank work and other errands. At which point I tell him that I intend to pay 50% of the mortgage from the next payment.
And that I'd like to go to the bank with him to take my name off the joint account, give him his card back and get him to start up a standing order for my payments. And get them to change his address to where he lives now.
H says that it doesn't need him to go to the bank to get my name off. I said I think it does, and anyway, there is no harm, it will GET DONE at least.
Then H says, I don't understand why we need to make payments to each other. I say, that way we keep a track of what he pays me and what I pay towards the mortgage. He said it would be just simpler for him to pay me the amount less the mortgage I owe him. I say I would like it done this way, (so everything is clear and leaves a paper trail.) He says sarcastically, "Of course!"
So we agree we will meet up one day this week for the bank work. My LAST hurdle with H on the money front.
Then he spoke to D for a bit.
I think I am going to take a leaf out of Moving Forward's thread, originally advice from our faithful coach Ellie -
Be kind but FIRM!
I feel my heart hardening towards H. No ill will, just not willing to be victim material any more.
Livnlearn
PS I wrote my friend a long email on Friday. I explained my view of things. I thought I was fairly conciliatory and conceded a point or two. I explained why I felt hurt by her behaviour.
We had an OK convo on the Friday evening, talking about her weekend plans and our collaboration on this job thing we are doing together. No mention of my email.
I rang her again Sunday evening for a chat. She was monosyllabic throughout. She is a Moody Miss. I will see how this one plays out.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
