Hi JL

Thanks for your visit. The thing about D coming back is that my H lives about one hour and fifteen minutes away by car, and he doesn't have one! He relies on his landlord picking up and dropping D between our places, and the landlord won't be beholden to our needs or schedule, though he's happy to help out in the way he does. Our separation agreements states that is it up to H to pick up D and bring her back to her home here, but as long as H lives where he does, it is tricky for him, as public transport options are infrequent and inconvenient. I do understand that, but most of my friends and relatives advise, too bad, let him sort it out, he chose this mess.

The reason he lives where he does is that it is much cheaper than in the city, and he has to pay quite a lot to cover D's expenses and half the mortgage here - again, folk have told me he should have thought of that before swanning off.

So I am walking a difficult line here, trying not to antagonise H (who has been pretty easy to upset these last two years, but then so are all these volatile WASs ) while also sticking up for my boundaries when I can.

Back to our convo yesterday, the fact that H has a clean house is ringing bells for me. The only times he has cleaned his house thoroughly (that he has mentioned to me, as they are state occasions!! ) are when OW2 was due to arrive or when he invited me up - though I have yet to stay overnight. It is hard not to to think that he either -

1) Expects a visit from OW2
2) Expects to have me around soon (????? )
3) Just thinks a clean house is a great idea.

This last option, while not very exciting, is interesting to consider. H is not a home body and is not into keeping a nice house. The more he does on this front, the more he will realise that keeping a home in order is not 'nothing'.

Pam, I hear what you are saying. It is VERY VERY VERY (did I say VERY?) hard not to get angry and take our H's behaviour personally when they behave so atrociously. There isn't a WAH on this board (I don't think) who hasn't behaved badly, and it is part and parcel of the problem of MLC. If we could only stand back and see it as a disease which has to run its course, we would be more detached. Sure, we need to protect ourselves (just like when handling infectious patients) but I am learing to depersonalise all this stuff much more and just figure out how to get on with my life without H as best I can.

Livnlearn

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates