I am very touched by your lengthy and thoughtful post. Obviously you had been thinking about those things for some time.
I am glad that you shared. Sometimes it takes someone looking in from the outside when we just get weary and can't see the light or the hope anymore.
Speaking of hope, these verses from Romans chapter 8 spoke to me today regarding hope.
22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
I subscribe the the Rejoice Ministries e mail, and I already got the intro packet and several of the books which I have read and re-read.
Several months ago we had some dear friends of ours visit, they were friends who moved out of the country over 2 years ago. The loss of the male 1/2 of that friendship was a huge blow to H, and the beginning of H's downward spiral. Both the male and female friend met briefly with H back in Feb, and observed him to be spiritually toxic. My friend even suggested to me that the level of spiritual warfare around H was so intense that I might need to let someone else handle praying for him while I sort of re-charged my own spiritual batteries.
And I am almost ashamed to admit it, but yesterday I came right out and told H, that I was giving consideration to D-ing him.
Probably not good dbing, but I had about had it with living in limbo land.
His initial response was to say that he was hurt, sad, frustrated, angry. He asked what would be the process/outcome in a D. He mentioned he might be more amenable to a legal separation. He admitted to putting me through hell.
I told him that all this had nothing to do with OW. That it was about he and I, and the fact that there was no effort on his part and that so many times he had said he was going to do something and then just not done it.
We did at least talk, which was good, we probably had not had a non-fighting convo in months.
I was not trying to threaten him or give him an ultimatum, but I wanted to let him know how weary I had become of living in limbo w/o having any sort of a R with him.
So there it is, all laid out on the table, and it ain't pretty.
thanks again for writing me, I am going to print off your response and study it.
