Well it has been a busy couple of days, lots of things to do and be done.
Friday I worked, got a facial, went to dinner with a friend, and went to S12's dance.
Amazing how "grown up" S12 is becoming. In some ways he is a lot like his dad. He is a go with the flow kind of guy, always comfortable in a crowd, both with other boys and members of the opposite sex. When it came time for the dance where the girls get to pick their partner, S12 was one of the first chosen. He is handsome, self assured, charming. He's got the moves.
S15 is the son who is the most like me, temperment and personality wise. He is careful, conscientious, thinks too much. He finishes my sentences. S12 has a bevy of friends, S15 has one close friend and a few other buddies. It seems like every year S15 has a good friend that has moved away. That has happened at least 4 times, and he doesn't seem to acquire friends (if that is the right thought) to replace the ones that he has "lost." S12 is the ladies man, S15 is tongue tied around girls.
I say all this not because I think that I need to compare them, but it helps me sort of put things in perspective, understand them better I guess.
Yesterday I had an appt with my counselor, the first time in a month or so. Helpful to think about ways I could disentangle myself from H while I am waiting to see if a D becomes the inevitable answer.
Made dinner for a friend last night. Tried two new recipes. I made a salad with fresh chilled asparagus, a cream based seafood soup, and chocolate tiramisu.
It really felt good to just be here at home, by myself while S12 and S15 are gone camping. Somehow it is just different than when I am here at home during the day and they are at school.
Hi Pamila - What a wonderful weekend, which started on Friday by the sounds of it I wonder if S15 ad S12 will retain these characteristics as they become adults. S15 reminds me a lot of myself, had nothing to say to the boys when I was a teenager
MMMMMMMM! That menu sounds delightful! I have some asparagus in my 'fridge - thinks it's time for some soupmaking.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BeingMe...It was a pretty yummy menu, if I do say so myself.
It has already been a day and a half, and it's only 5 pm.
First off was the letter that came today from H's business bank, stating something that is in direct contradiction from what H told me. I am still playing phone tag with the bank dude to get to the bottom of this one.
H assures me that the letter from the bank is just some sort of legal formality, but I told him that I am in the position of no longer being able to believe everything he tells me. He got angry with me, but oh well, he made his bed with me by living on lies, and now he has to deal with the consequences.
Believe you may I am not laying down and playing dead on this one, I have a phone call in to the v.p. of the bank.
Then came the phone call from my brother, the brother who is "expecting" me to give him 1/2 of my inheritance from my recently deceased grandpa even though the will made no such provision. The same brother who tells me that I sound "unhappy" the same brother who thinks I need to divorce H's sorry butt and move on (he may have a point there, but the last time I checked I am still the one who gets to decide.)
He is the only brother I have, but he gets on my last good nerve sometimes.
Well all I can say is that Pam Rolls Over and Plays Dead Month is officially over. I am no longer doing anything, not one thing, that I don't believe is in my best interest. I don't care what H says, what my brother says, what people expect...
I know JUST what you are saying. No more peacekeeping, but more looking to see how one's actions are in OUR interests.
Isn't it hilarious when they come up with the "Don't you trust me?" kind of stuff?
I think your H's little 'game' of withholding the money he needed to give you is very telling. It is a measure of just how far up his you-know-what his head is. Either that, or he is just plain unworthy of you, if that twisted cruelty is a basic character trait.
I think we all need to examine what our marriages were really like, much before the crisis started, to see if they were truly acceptable. If not, we need to see how much possibility there is that the problems there were really fixable.
Otherwise we are wasting our time barking up the wrong tree.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Been too busy to post much, not sure if that is a good sign or not.
I subbed today and will do so tomorrow as well.
Not sure if I have told the saga before regarding the $ that I am supposed to inherit from the death of my grandpa. It has turned into a nightmare/mini drama thanks to my aunt. She and I are the only 2 beneficiaries of my grandpa's estate. Shortly after my grandpa died, my aunt told my brother that I should be giving him 1/2 the $ that I am getting.
My aunt has created a huge mess by doing that and p***ed me off to no end. My grandpa left no provision for that in his will nor did he ever tell me to do that. But now my aunt has created an expectation in my brother's mind that I am not going to be able to fulfill.
One more person to betray me is about the size of it from where I sit.
It leaves me with a knot in my tummy just thinking about it.
LnL, you have a good point about how the M looked before it all went amok. The Dr Laura book really opened my eyes about how I probably used the typical female escape route, ie. I found a man with the character traits that I did not possess and somehow coveted, rather than becoming autonomous and developing those traits in myself. At the time I thought my M was ok, but in retropect I lost myself catering to H.
I am also reading her book about the 10 stupid mistakes that men make.
Well lo and behold after several weeks of going back and forth with H about Easter weekend plans it seems like I have a semblance of what Easter might look like.
several weeks ago, in the spirit of asking H for what I wanted, I had asked him if I could have the boys on Easter, so that I could take them to church with me. The boys and I attend faithfully every week and H has stopped going since I kicked his a** out, as he so lovingly puts it.
His response to this request was, "but you had them on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years." Never mind that he was out of the country on Thanksgiving and we were all together on Christmas and New Years, he has conveniently re-invented history for his benefit.
I just let all that go, didn't really choose to "get into it" with him. About a week after that I told him, "fine you can have the boys for the weekend if that is what you want." His response then, "well, I do not know if I will be around, I will just be getting back from California. Then I leave for Europe on the 29th..." blah blah blah
So last night he calls me up, says that he will be here at noon today, to take the boys out for a few hours, but not to keep them overnight, so that they can go to church on Easter.
He also says that he might go to church with us. I am totally not sure what to make of that.
If he does show up on Easter then I suppose I should invite him to have Easter dinner with us. It feels sort of contrived, but I guest I can do the old act as if.
He also told me that he got his hair cut yesterday by a hairdresser in Chicago that we both used to go to. I stopped going to her and was just getting my hair cut locally now, as going to Chicago for a haircut had become an expense I could not afford. H hadn't been there in a long time either, I think that he was afraid to face her as she was sort of part of the old life that he was busy trying to avoid.
H said that he told her yesterday that I needed one of her haircuts (she gives an awesome awesome haircut but is very expensive). When I told H that I couldn't afford it, he said "don't be so sure."
Going back to her to get his haircut seems like a baby step for him out of the tunnel, but I do not know.
Big big, surprise. May be trouble in paradise. I got about 5 or 6 hang up phone calls from OW last night. I have not had any of those in months and months.
I wonder if S15 ad S12 will retain these characteristics as they become adults. S15 reminds me a lot of myself, had nothing to say to the boys when I was a teenager 
Big big, surprise. May be trouble in paradise. I got about 5 or 6 hang up phone calls from OW last night. I have not had any of those in months and months.