Quote: Is it ok to say that I am only interested in a date with him when he is OW-free?
Depends on what you want. If you really are not particularly interested in reconciling with him, and wouldn't want him back unless he made near-miraculous changes - then fine, set that boundary,
The truth is, though, that it's the rare WAS who returns without some overlap - they seem to need to keep the OP in their back pocket as a fallback, or else the shame of admitting to the OP that they lied about their spouse and now want to reconcile makes it difficult for them to cut that final tie. So sometimes, setting that boundary makes it seem like an impossible task to the WAS.
Have you tried making him jealous yet? Perhaps you should tell him "sure, I'll go on a date with you. But this weekend's already booked up, I have a date on Friday and one on Saturday. How about next week?"
He doesn't have to know if some of those "dates" are evenings out with the girls
How do you carry off the illusion of going on dates when you have inquisitive and intelligent children?
This evening older guy rang, and I thought it would be H to talk to D on the phone, so asked her to go pick it up, as I didn't want an extention of the earlier call with H. So instead D got to know he (older guy) rang, and asked what he said etc etc.
I am OK about creating a little mystery by omission, but would not lie about stuff like that.
Livnlearn
PS Sorry for hijacking your thread, Pam!
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I do get the part about creating mystery. And I think that a little jealousy could be ok too.
And to tell you the truth H actually does a weird thing where he comes closer when he has been naughty, really naughty. That is usu when he starts calling me honey or sweetie, pays me a lot of attention. He actually seems to enjoy being a "bad boy." And that gives me a really icky picture of OW spanking him saying "Oh you naughty, naughty boy."
So what is a girl to do? Be a little naughty myself?
Friday night S12 has a spring dance for junior cotillion. I am going out to dinner with a girlfriend after we drop off our S's and before we head back to the dance where the last dance is this mother/son, father/daughter deal.
I have a killer outfit to wear that I bought in Tokyo in the fall and never got a chance to wear.
My girlfriend just got engaged and we may meet up with her new honey for drinks later on, since I have not met him yet.
Saturday night I am making dinner for a friend.
Did I mention that my boys are going camping from Saturday am until Sunday at noon?
It may take H by surprise that I am not going to re-arrange my schedule for him, but then again he may have already forgotten that he ever even mentioned it in the first place.
This would be about the fourth time since we separated that we had tried the dating thing. Each time he gets close then runs away fast and scared. It is just really hard for me to get into it while he is still hooked up with OW, hard for me to give it my all if you know what I mean, then H ends up thinking that I am cold, uncommunicative, etc.
It is almost impossible for me not to wear my heart on my sleeve and H knows me so well that faking it is hard too.
For me The best way to act "as if" is to NOT CARE about the final out come of your situation.
The 2 things I keep in my heart and head to be able to do this:
1. If you don't work things out you WILL still have a wonderful and happy life. You WILL find someone else that deserves you and it will be your WAS's Loss.
2. If you do work things out you will have a better, closer, more initmate relationship then the one you started with.
Once you believe this you can be happy, friendly and loving because you will have a GREAT life no matter what happens.
I had forgotten that "fake it til you make it" was better known as the good old "act as if."
I think that I am capable of doing that and have already seriously detached too. But I am still concerned that H perceives that as "coldness" on my part.
We went out for pizza (the four of us) last night. It was the first time since Jan 2nd that we had eaten together as a family. It was nice.
I have a busy day on tap, teaching art at the high school, going for a facial at 4, then S12's dance tonight combined with dinner with my girlfriend.
but I have absolutely no idea what, if anything that means.
