Thanks so much for coming to visit. Thank you also for the condolences. You're right, it has been hard, one more thing on top of all the rest.
I may be at a whole different spot than I was 4 months ago, but in some ways I feel a whole lot better off. Though it seems more than likely that my marriage is not truly salvageable as it stands now.
I have never participated in AA or AlAnon, but I know that one of their precepts is based on the Serenity Prayer. To be completely honest I used to think that prayer was sort of dopey, some sort of pious cliche that you hung on the wall in the guest bathroom. But the other day it hit me in a brand new way
God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change...
Wow, I thought how true is that. I cannot change H, cannot change the circumstances of our M, but I can change me. And the rest I just need to be peaceful about. Serenity is my new goal.
So I am thinking that instead of watching for H's baby steps, which never seem to happen and are usu. in the wrong direction, I need to be looking at my baby steps. And just like how we applauded our own babies for their baby steps I think that part of the reason we are all here on the board is to applaud each other's baby steps.
So yeah for us, yeah for trying to learn something from all this, yeah for getting a life. Yeah for caring enough about our marriages and our vows to really try to stick it out through better and worse.
We are special people and if our significant other's don't recognize that, that is their problem.
Because this is my journey too, it's about my personal growth, who I am, who I am becoming, and what I have learned from all this.
