It has been so long since I have posted to the boards that I actually had to go back to the instruction page and re-read how to do it.
I am starting a new thread, but will first re-cap a brief history for the many who do not know me, then give an update for all my friends who might remember me even though I disappeared for a while.
Hi all, I am Pam now 40, yipes that 40 thing happened while I was gone too. I have an S15 and an S12. My H is 43 and has been having an A since Jan 2003, with an OW who lives in another country, a country where he goes frequently on business.
I became aware of the A in August 2003 and we went through a pretty rocky period thereafter where I did all of the "wrong" stuff. I didn't find out about db until much later.
The A seemed like it was on again/off again, but in reality that was pretty much my H feeding me a line of crap. In April 2004 I kicked my H out of the house (really what I did was move his stuff out to a vacation home that we have about an hour away from here). This move was precipitated by two things, I had read James Dobson's "Love Must Be Tough" which advocates kicking out the errant spouse in an attempt to preserve the marriage, save your sanity, and bring the spouse to their senses by bringing them to their knees. Secondly, I had found an e-mail that my H had sent to the American consulate requesting a visa for OW to come here. That was pretty much the last straw, since at that time he and OW were supposed to be a thing of the past. When I confronted my H about this e-mail he said that he wanted out of the marriage.
So I moved him out on Good Friday last year. Two weeks later I went for an appt. with a new counselor, thinking that I was taking the first steps toward making a new life for myself. Wrong. She advocated for trying to save the marriage and had me read DR and DB.
So I came to the board for the first time the end of April 2004. There were various steps of progress since then. I am most proud of the fact that I have Gotten a Life Details to follow later on.
There has been the usual roller coaster of a ride with H. He comes close, then moves away like all the rest of 'em. In recent months he has become much more of a liar, a drinker, and not the kind of guy that I really want to spend the rest of my life with. He was diagnosed as being depressed last spring, but only took the meds for about 8 weeks. He is back on them again of of about 3 weeks ago. He and OW are still involved, he supports her financially.
His self-owned business has really taken a nose dive, but that is a very long complicated story in itself.
I pretty much disappeared from the boards around Thanksgiving. The day before T-giving there was serious violence at S15's school, 7 kids hospitalized, but no life threatening injuries, thank goodness.
I decided about then, that I was spending way too much time here on the boards, giving of my time and emotional energy in a way that was leaving me depleted. I also thought, and still do believe, that I needed to take my concerns to God first. So I decided to take a break from the boards, not knowing if I would ever return.
But here I am, for better or worse.
If I remembered how to link my old stuff, I would, but I don't. So if any of you want to read it, I will endeavor to remember.
