Well...I have given my all. H told me that he cant do this anymore. He is miserable at home and he hates coming home to me because he feels forced to hug and kiss me and tell me that he loves me. (When have I ever forced him) H told me that I make him do that and he feels gross inside. I guess that I am a gross person. He told me that he is moving out and he doesnt care what I think anymore....he doesnt want to be married and he hates being married. All he did was say mean things about me. I hate my life right now. Why is this happening to me. I look awful...i feel awful.....(I am having a pity poor Michelle day) Help I need a friend. I am so sad. He is leaving me....I have done so good at trying to make things better....he said that he has tried but in my heart he never has....I am going crazy! Please give me support! Why did I think he loved me?????????
Oh Blonde! I'm so sorry you are hurting so much! Remember, YOUR life is not over and your life TOGETHER may not be over yet either. This is a bump in the road. I'm so sorry your H decided to make the mean statements. It wasn't really necessary. He obviously said them just to make himself feel better and to justify why he was leaving. (This is only in his own tiny mind ya know. Again, I'm sorry you are hurting and will be checking back in often to make sure you are ok. Hang in there!
(((((((Blonde)))))) I am so sorry you hurt so much. He is just WRONG to try to hurt you like that - he's doing it to try to make himself feel better. You deserve at the very least not to be his emotional punching bag. You're better than that and he knows it, which makes him act out even nastier. Cry, cry cry if you can. My therapist suggested something for me that actually helped me - she said when I felt like I was about to lose it, to say the Lord's Prayer and at the end, without thinking too much, to give praise for something, the first thing that popped into my mind. I was often surprised at the things that came to mind, and surprised when I found myself not crying anymore. Try it in situations when you're just tired of crying or don't want to anymore. Please keep up posted - feel the hugs and support and take care of yourself -
Greetings from sunny (but cold!) Seattle. I'm sorry to hear you going through this. You're right, you don't deserve this. Ask yourself, "Do I want to fight? Is it worth fighting for?" No one can answer that but you. Are you up to going out tonight? If so, GO!
I'm going to see a big time DJ tonight (Paul Oakenfold). He spins trance, electronica and house. Wish me luck as I try to avoid all the twentysomethings on ecstacy.
Blondie hang in there, I'm pulling for you first and saving your marriage second!
Happy Saturday to all.... H is moving out....I found out yesterday without spying that he is still conversing with the OW. I went to go online to my thread but for some reason it pulled up pictures of the OW children from Easter....I was so hurt. I knew who they were but wanted to give a benefit of the doubt so I asked H whos kids are these....he said Melinda's (whore...that is having the EA/SA with husband) He said that she emailed him and that they still talk but they are just friends.....(I dont agree with the just friends thing...that is how this all happened in the first place...little me believing my husband just had a friend) This entire thing made H mad....he said a lot of mean things to me and said that he has given up....he doesn't want to try...forget the separation...he is moving out and he will file for a D. (Remember he said that he would never file) He blames me for a lot of different things now...from not letting my stepson call me mom...I wast mean about it...I just explained to him that he has a wonderful mom and I dont want to take that away from her....but I will always be your mom) This happened almost two years ago! i guess that things have just built up.
I left for a few hours and gave me and H time to think. I really am and always have been willing to trust and believe in him so that the M could work. I feel betrayed again. All I said is that if she is just a friend then why does it have to be hidden. Of course no comment.
I have been hurting a lot lately....I still GAL and do things but I am sad inside. I am so afraid of losing all that I have. Husband, Stepson, D1 to have her daddy around and my family. I wish that I could say something to her or beat her up but what is that going to help. I can't force my H to love me especially if he loves someone else. I just feel that he is being foolish, selfish, and mean.
It feels really good to let this out...I had to open up the bottle or I felt that I was going to go crazy. I never thought that he would move....how am I suppose to trust him alone. I always thought that a separation was a chance to think about things not rekindle a relationship with someone else. I know that M can be difficult sometimes but it takes work...of course a phone and sex relationship is a lot more fun because there are no additional ties or anything to irritate you.
Well, I know that this is long but I had to let it out. I want my H to love me and relaize it. I hate that he is moving...I dont want financial stress. I dont know what to do to DB now. I am so confused....sometimes he doesnt want to be married sometimes he says that he never said that he didnt want to be married....AHHHHHHH! What do i do now? Does anyone out there have any suggestion that can help me to be more positive? Is there still hope with him moving?
I do think that there is still hope once he moves out. In fact I often believe that in my own sitch that would probably be the better solution so that H has a chance to miss me...Just not strong enough to stand by it.
I totally agree with the phone and sexual R being too easy and it is a FANTASY life. No real tie to the other person, tho they let the other person believe that they are committed to them and they are just home because of the kids. WHATEVER!
WHere will H be moving? Dont worry that he threatened D. My H used to do that all the time this past summer, whenever he felt backed into a corner or pressured. It was all talk. He has NEVER talked to a lawyer. So relax on that issue for the moment. My H has also threatened moving out TONS of times, yet he hasnt. So dont say another word about it to H. Leave it be and see what develops. I know how you are feeling now, and you are not alone.
I'm sorry to hear this. You are now wher I was in December & January. There were times that I thought I couldn't go on. But It can and will get better. Jus tstart showing him you can GAL. Do you have the ability to see a counselor, even you alone? Do you have health insurance that will cover it? If not, I'm sure you can find counseling services at no charge somewhere, such as LA County Health or a local Church.
Plus you've got all of us you know. Through reading your posts both here and on my thread, it sure sounds like you've got a lot going on for yourself. I know that you've really said some things on my thread to pump me up!
One of two things can happen when you show him that you have the ability to move on. 1) He sees you in a new light now and says, "Damn, she's awesome and I really am blowing it (or blew it)", or 2) You actually move on and find someone else and more importantly find YOURSELF, the one you didn't know was in there.
B, look in the mirror and see the tremendous person that you are inside and project thtat to the outside world. Things will get better.
I must trek out into the cold Seattle streets in search of breakfast. When I am at the game today, I'll tell former Dodger team MVP Adrian Beltre that you said Hi.
Happy Monday Everyone... Just wanted to update you on whats going on with me. Things are still really hard. H left for the weekend but came back last night to see daughter but I was at Emergency room with her. I was at brunch after church with my mom and a family friend....D1 was playing with a flower when one petal flew off and she went after it and fell flat on her face. Her nose is all bruised but thank God it isnt broken. Well, H stayed the night last night but we really didnt talk much because after yesterday I was beat and had a headache. I am a little scared to talk to him because I know that he is going to bring something up and I dont want to hear it. I am tired of all of this stuff....I am emotionally beat. H did tell me on Sat night that he spoke to his Uncle and he said that H can stay there...his uncle also told him what a wonderful person I am and he hope that everything works out for us. He told him that he can move in at the beginning of the month since he just bought a new home....so I guess H is staying home until then. h also said that uncle told him if we can work out our difference befor the first of the month there is no problem with him not staying there. Is that a hint to try for the next few weeks? I dont want to try and analyze things....I just need to know what to do. I would love to work things out but can I allow a friendship with H and OW. Where or what should I do now....do I really have a choice...I am scared and nervous...my stomach is a mess! All of your help is appreciated and necessary!!!!!!
uncle told him if we can work out our difference before the first of the month there is no problem with him not staying there. Is that a hint to try for the next few weeks?
Don't read into things. Maybe uncle just doesn't want to have a permanent house guest.
I just need to know what to do.
Stick with the major plan overall despite any little things you may be tempted to analyze: GAL, detach, PMA, treat H like a good friend instead of as a H.
can I allow a friendship with H and OW.
It's not up to you. H's going to do what he wants, and if you voice an opinion against it, he'll probably do it all the more. Ever read Dr. Hartley's Plan B? It's about a no nonsense approach, telling the WAS that "if the A is to continue then it's no more LBS! It's one or the other, buddy, make your choice now" and sometimes that works... but sometimes it doesn't. So, maybe a way to get H to realize life without you is for him not to experience you as often. That's part of what happens when you detach and GAL, so that H starts to think about you and what you may be up to, and by absence of details lets their imagination fill in, and imaginations can do some pretty wild stuff.
But if and when you reconcile, then things change where there must be No Contact between the WAS and the OP.
In the meantime, if it's the OP he wants, nothing will stop him. But let reality overcome their relationship when they're faced with it, and it may hasten their demise. Which reminds me, I give Charles and Camilla two years max.
How have you been NY? Absent from Mellanie-land. It's OK, just wanted to say Hi and keep up the good work.
I agree, as usual with NY. My H's R with OW is showing a bit ragged around the edges lately. Not so pretty in the clear light of day. They spend a whole week together in a tropical paradise, and it may just have been too much of a good thing. He's also realizing that Mel is slipping away and he's working real hard at realing me back in. He is still involved with OW, he's not at home, but he calls often, saying he misses me, and it's a different ball game these days. Things are changin'
Last edited by Mellanie; 04/12/0501:54 AM.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Why did I think he loved me????????? 