Happy Saturday to all.... H is moving out....I found out yesterday without spying that he is still conversing with the OW. I went to go online to my thread but for some reason it pulled up pictures of the OW children from Easter....I was so hurt. I knew who they were but wanted to give a benefit of the doubt so I asked H whos kids are these....he said Melinda's (whore...that is having the EA/SA with husband) He said that she emailed him and that they still talk but they are just friends.....(I dont agree with the just friends thing...that is how this all happened in the first place...little me believing my husband just had a friend) This entire thing made H mad....he said a lot of mean things to me and said that he has given up....he doesn't want to try...forget the separation...he is moving out and he will file for a D. (Remember he said that he would never file) He blames me for a lot of different things now...from not letting my stepson call me mom...I wast mean about it...I just explained to him that he has a wonderful mom and I dont want to take that away from her....but I will always be your mom) This happened almost two years ago! i guess that things have just built up.
I left for a few hours and gave me and H time to think. I really am and always have been willing to trust and believe in him so that the M could work. I feel betrayed again. All I said is that if she is just a friend then why does it have to be hidden. Of course no comment.
I have been hurting a lot lately....I still GAL and do things but I am sad inside. I am so afraid of losing all that I have. Husband, Stepson, D1 to have her daddy around and my family. I wish that I could say something to her or beat her up but what is that going to help. I can't force my H to love me especially if he loves someone else. I just feel that he is being foolish, selfish, and mean.
It feels really good to let this out...I had to open up the bottle or I felt that I was going to go crazy. I never thought that he would move....how am I suppose to trust him alone. I always thought that a separation was a chance to think about things not rekindle a relationship with someone else. I know that M can be difficult sometimes but it takes work...of course a phone and sex relationship is a lot more fun because there are no additional ties or anything to irritate you.
Well, I know that this is long but I had to let it out. I want my H to love me and relaize it. I hate that he is moving...I dont want financial stress. I dont know what to do to DB now. I am so confused....sometimes he doesnt want to be married sometimes he says that he never said that he didnt want to be married....AHHHHHHH! What do i do now? Does anyone out there have any suggestion that can help me to be more positive? Is there still hope with him moving?
