(((((((Blonde)))))) I am so sorry you hurt so much. He is just WRONG to try to hurt you like that - he's doing it to try to make himself feel better. You deserve at the very least not to be his emotional punching bag. You're better than that and he knows it, which makes him act out even nastier. Cry, cry cry if you can. My therapist suggested something for me that actually helped me - she said when I felt like I was about to lose it, to say the Lord's Prayer and at the end, without thinking too much, to give praise for something, the first thing that popped into my mind. I was often surprised at the things that came to mind, and surprised when I found myself not crying anymore. Try it in situations when you're just tired of crying or don't want to anymore. Please keep up posted - feel the hugs and support and take care of yourself -
