Well, I am back in a slump. H told me that the reason that we are still together and living together is because he cant afford a divorce. A f*&king slap in the face. I dont think that I can do this DB thing. I try and detach but its so hard for me. I want to be loved and darn it I know that I deserve it. I look back at who I am and I think that I am a sweet person always trying to make everyone happy. I am one of those that will go without so that someone else can be happy. I am destroyed today. I really started to believe that things were starting to get better. He said that he had a dream that we were going to die and he was holding me tight telling me that he loved me and then (Smack) H wakes up and says that. Why do i try? I give 150% and he is giving 1%. I dont want to lose my family....I want a loving hubby, I want my D1 to have a daddy at home...and I dont want to lose my stepson. I cant stop crying....I am so weak. I have really been trying to do everything to make him happy....pretty much bending over backwards and then he says things like that. He said that he loves me he just isnt happy. I dont want a D...but I feel like he just wants a babysitter and house cleaner...not a lover. To tell you the truth...we were intimate....and he had his but wasnt even thinking about me....thats not like him. I cant do this...I feel like my insides are torn out of me. Why do I keep trying when it isnt working. I havent accused him of anything lately and I dont check up on him anymore....but if it isnt a OW then how can he be so rude to someone that is so nice to him. Help me! I need advise......please respond! Desperate Blondeqt1
