I have been having such a hard time lately. I hate this entire ordeal. I get mixed messages and then one day I wake up feeling good and H shots me down regarding the D. I want to be happy I just feel like I cant anymore. I havent given up but whatever I do I just feel like I push H away instead of bring him back. I hate when he complains...I feel like what does he have to complain about when I am doing all the work (180) I am trying to be the best that I can but then when H complains about something I didnt do or whatever he does....I feel like screaming about all of the other things that I am doing in order to make him understand. I keep my mouth shut even though H does nothing to help. i feel like giving up but my heart isnt sure. I dont know what to do anymore....Is anything that I do right? Any help out there?
You are doing the right thing. You are fighting for your M. Unfortunately, we have to do all the work and it sucks. We do not get any praise or appreciation or just a pat on the back. But, we have to keep plugging along hoping someday they will notice. That day will make it all worthwhile.
I have been struggling with the same feelings you are having. I am slowly getting back on track. I want to feel like I did everything possible when I look back (for me and my kids).
Unfortunately, only you can decide when to quit. Really think about what you want. It was hard when my H left. The first night was horrible( he was only gone one night). I had detached and thought I could handle it, but I wasn't ready for it. I am working on really detaching, so if it happens again I am really ready for it.
So think about it and Detach and GAL!!!! That does make it easier.
Just keep doing what you're doing. There's a line in the DR book that goes something like: "Sometimes DBing will make you feel like you are insane, and sometimes you might be" (I'm sure I butchered it). It seems like doing the opposite is bad because it feels wrong but that is what a 180 is, going against what you've done in the past.
Judging from your posts, it seems like you have a great, bubbly personality. Go out and use it to your advantage!
I know you'll do fine. Enjoy this beautiful So Cal day!!
Well, Last night for me was hell. After H was rude all day and hung up on me after he said again about a D....I get home and his mom is there to stay a few days. (I love his mom so that is okay) I just hate that she is there when things are so yucky with us. H like to smirk and get his way because I dont want to be disrespectful in fron of his mother. He told her that he has been thinking about D. I broke down and cried about it.( Stupid ME) I am going to hold my head up and just take every moment at a time. Think towards me and my daughter. Between all of us I am still really hurt. I dont want the D. H told me when talking that if he really wanted the D he would have moved out already....I said the only reason that you havent is because you are going to have the money that you have now. He said that he would manage...probably OW $.(Just Kidding) I am going to take that as a baby step...I just wish that I could feel appreciated. But I went and got my nails and feet done last night....visited my grandfather and went tanning.....finally a GAL experience. It relaxed me :-) I am still confused about everything and all of his sly remarks. He hasnt hugged or touched me in a long time now.....I am a little lonely in that area...(LOL). I just hate to be blamed for everyhting....I feel like slime at the bottom of the lake. Anybody have any suggestions on how to stay cool during all of this?
Just continue on the GAL train. If you go back to my previous thread and read my posts from early February. I was a mess. The more time that went by, the more posting I did and the more I read on these boards, the better I started feeling. When he starts seeing that you are getting better (GAL) he may start to realize that you may not need him to be whole. Keep it up. Go to the tanning salon some more. Maybe we'll have to change your handle to BRONZEQT1 instead. Have a tremendous Friday.
D... I love all of the encouragement that you give me. Thank you so much. I am really trying to work on myself. I can say that I havent said ILY or been overly affectionate for a couple of days now. I am a little proud of myself. We took my Stepson to see Robots last night....my mom watched D1. We didnt sit by eachother but I didnt dread it I enjoyed the movie and was happy. This morning H came into the bathroom while I was taking a shower and said bye and came to give me a kiss....(Oh my gosh...I am shocked) that is one of the first times in a long time that he has done that....no clod shoulder for once....(Oh yeah...its April Fools Day....well, I am not a fool...so he isnt playing me..:-)) Well, so far the day is going great....it is so beautiful outside....I hope and pray that I can continue being happy....I need to stay strong....Wish me well! BQT
Responding a few days late to this post but wanted to say that I understand what it feels like to be treated like a piece of poo to say it nicely. My H has such mood swings that I dont know from day to day what is going to set him off...And trying to DB when you want to just yell back in their face F you buddy is hard. But whenever a snide comment is passed I have been good about not responding with another snide comment. Trying to be the better person. That is what I keep telling myself.
I too am getting quite lonely in the affection dept, so we can be in the same club. It was great that your H initiated a kiss ....I am jealous...LOL Whatever you are doing is working...Tell me what it is so I can do the same. I wish my H would just kiss me. I dont want to initiate it because I am scared now of being rejected.
Well.... Hello everyone! I have been taking one day at a time and trying to be positive. H and I have been able to get along because his mom was here visiting. Well, she left yesterday and we went to his to dinner for our nieces bday. Things went okay and at one point he looked at me and said that "I do really love you" I smiled and said thank you. I didnt know how to react...he never says that anymore. I actually think that it slipped out because he was quiet the rest of the night. In my heart I really think that he does...or at least hope that he does. I am trying to be positive but now my cousin H just told her that he wants a D and is moving out this week. I am trying to be a supporter for her and her two kids. Well, I havent been calling H and he made a crack about arguing because his mom was gone.....I told him that it is a waste of time for us to argue and that I just want for the both of us to be happy. I am trying to stay strong and darn it its hard. I started whitening my teeth with Crest strips just so I can get a great smile(LOL) Well, I will keep you all posted.
Sun, Thanks for the support. I pray that you do get that kiss from your H and much more. I hope that it is meaningful too! Keep in touch!
D.. You are the man...I am so happy for you. You are sweet! I wrote on your post!
