Since H said he WOULDN'T be angry isn't that weird? So if he has flat out told me to call her and he wouldn't be angry, shouldn't I take advantage of that? Or don't call after he told me I could to show him what a wonderful woman I am?!?
One time in the heat of battle, I told my wife that maybe I'd call or confront the OP and she calmly said if that's what I wanted to do, that I could go ahead. She then said that she didn't know what that would accomplish but if it would make me feel better, do it. I dropped it after that. It seemed too easy for her to say it's OK, it made me feel weird about it. The thing is, she's right. What would it accomplish? Nothing really.
Also remember you can't believe most of what they say. So... even though he says it is okay doesn't mean it really is. He may react to it even while telling you it was okay. Remember, things keep changing with our Hs. Things seem okay one minute but the next is not. I would not contact ow. Just my opinion.
I do appreciate all of your input on this situation. You'll be glad to know that I didn't call and won't be able to since H is coming home and kids are home. One day down, a gazillion to go....
Well H and I talked last night....he still was ignoring me and keeping to himself in a solemn manner. He told me that he is not sure if he can ever fall back in love with me...Ouch! He said that he doesnt think that things can ever get better...he is very negative lately. He said that there is no OW anymore but he feels that he has just given up on us. I told him that people need to work on R they dont always come easy. If there is no communication of each others needs then how can the other S understand what the other needs. He told me again that he feels trapped and he needs more space....he also said that I have been goiving him his own space....but he thinks that it will go back to the same thing again....well boo hoo hoo! :-) He said that he knows that he will be poor and his entire life will change if he leaves. I told him that I cant stop that all I can say is that I have given my all to work through this and if I dont know all of his other needs and wants...then I cant help anymore. I said good night and the went and cried myself to sleep... I want to be happy I would love to be happy with him...but I really want to be my old self....the hapy outgoing girl....not just for me but for my daughter. I need assistance....I dont know where to go now....What type of DBing should I do now....is it over....or can things still change. Does anyone have any suggestions.
Focus on you. You can be the person you were or even better. Take your focus off your H. It does help. GAL. He has noticed the space you have given him--great--keep doing it but now put the focus on you. What could you do to make you happy? Your decisions should be based on what you want. This will help you no matter what happens. It makes you stronger.
Detach -- as hard as it is, try not to take too much stock in what he says right now. (Remember-- Don't believe what they say and only half of what they do). Have no expectations from your H. You don't fall as hard if you don't expect anything.
My H has said the same thing about my changes. He is worried I will regress. Just keep plugging along doing them, that is the only way, to keep showing him. Actions speak louder than words.
I want to be happy I would love to be happy with him...but I really want to be my old self....the hapy outgoing girl....not just for me but for my daughter. I need assistance....I dont know where to go now....What type of DBing should I do now....is it over....or can things still change. Does anyone have any suggestions.