Great advice from NY. Just for the record I also have had kidney stones. Wierd.
Any way here is something on detachment that may help.
II. Detachment Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship. Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done. Our ego gets wounded and we are more inclined to those actions that will undermine our very best chances of accomplishing our goals. We can not control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness. If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love. Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals. On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle. Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’ It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act. I can not control another person, but I can control how I respond to them.
It is a simple concept, but difficult to accomplish. As you move forward with the principles of DBing you will become detached. Lovingly detached. This is a part of the process I posted about. When you are successfully detaching a new sense of calm will find you. The rollercoaster slows wwaaayyyy down and life gets easier. Develop an As If attitude, emotionally detach and let time work on your H.
Stay strong, stay commited and show your H your true character.
