BlondeQT, you've had kidney stones? I've had kidney stone attacks. Brrrr. if you can go through that and childbirth, then whatever your H throws at you is nothing.
Which was worse, BTW? A stone attack or labor pains?
Look, your H is sucking you into fights because he's a WAS, and some of them need lots of negativity to offset their guilt. So they'll put spins on things and repaint the marital history as all negative and get you into brawls with them just so they can justify their plight.
Don't fall for it. Walk out of the room, tell him, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and don't feed him his negativity meals.
He said he loves you but is not in love with you? Standard operating procedure for a WAS. Don't give it a second thought. THEY ALL SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT! I got that speech too. Don't listen to them. Any couple that's ever reconciled, had, at one time, a partner who said something like that, OK?
I told him that I was trying to make our R work but that I cant work alone. He said....."Idont know how many time I have to tell you that I want a divorce...when will you understand."
Duh! To him, the relationship is unwanted! It was hurtful to him! Understand the psychology of the WAS. They want OUT of the relationship. You, the LBS, come along saying you want to keep that relationship intact and work on it, and to the WAS, you're saying, "Hey! That relationship that's hurtful to you, that you want to escape? Well, I insist it's viable and I'm committed to working on it regardless!" To the WAS, you're continuing to be insensitive to their needs, you see. That's why he's saying to you, "how many times do I have to tell you... don't you understand?"
Does it mean it's really over? No, of course not. The only time it's really over, believe it or not, is either when YOU say it's over, or one of the two of you dies, OK?
But back off your feelings about what he's doing and work on getting detached. Have zero expectations about everything concerning him and keep on GAL. It's the only thing that works!! You're not getting favorable results having these tête-à-têtes with him... Go back to the beginning of your thread, when you were on the right track. You're letting yourself get too involved with the turmoil... you're dwelling on how this hurts you, get away from that, you'll get burned!!... detach, sweetie, detach... that's how you regain your strength and position... the one who wants the relationship LEAST is the one who has the power...
