First, what you are feeling is totally normal and rest assured each and everyone of us here has felt similar, if not the exact same, emotions you are.
Fair you ask? Hell no! Worth the effort? Hell Ya!!!
Dbing as you know is about you. Believe it or not the turmoil our spouses have thrown at us is actually an opportunity. An Opportunity to identify our flaws, identify what is really important and set out on a plan to make ourselves into this new individual. Were we that bad to start with? I don't think so, we may have been complacent or possible blind to our surroundings, but all in all good people.
As you move forward in your DBing efforts you will begin to recognize how your efforts are beginning to change your personna. Just look how you notice every little thing your H says and does now. Did you notice those little things before? Did they carry even the slightest meaning? Now look at how you veiw them. Is it a good change or a bad one? I think you get my point. If we were as attentive 6, 8, 12 months ago, would we be here now?
What I'm trying to say is this is a process, a process to better yourself, for yourself and our spouse will be a benefactor if THEY choose to see the light. We set forth with our plan and see how far we can get. Will we get to reconciling? I don't know, possibly. Will we evolve into better people than we ever were in the past. You bet, but only if we continue with the process. That means we MUST continue until all options are exhausted. It is only then when we have traversed this life lesson, will we begin to see the true benefit.
We build a new sense of confidence, a strong moral and honorable direction and gain respect for how comitted we have been to the promise we made to our spouses. This is a change that anyone you come in contact with will see, because it is done for you.
When you can lovingly detach, set and accomplish the goals you have identified and begin to shine as the new BLONDEQT1, it is then, that the true purpose of DBing will make sense because this is a process about you AND for you.
Please give every effort you can to your comittment to your M. It is through this trial, you will engrain the foundation of the rest of your life. By maintaing your dignity, your honor and your moral standards, you can look in the mirror at the end of the day and feel damn proud. With these three things as a foundation you become a very solid individual and THAT is something to be cherished.
Fight the good fight, do what you know is right, and endure the emotional turmoil. You will emerge a better person, I gaurantee it!
