Well....another few days have passed. Sometimes I feel like things might be getting better and then (Smack) a slAp in my face. We can be civil to eachother and sometimes act as if nothing is wrong between us. I have decided that my H is a very selfish man. He wants a free life....although I have never tied him down. He still continues go to the neighborhood bar and have a few beers every night and then cames home and trys to be nice. When he talks to me he rarely looks in my direction. I sometimes wonder why I allow this to happen to me because I know that I am a good person. I have my doubts on why I continue allowing myself to be subjected to this type of treatment because that he feels that moment. I feel like sometimes just giving up but I want to know that in my heart that I have tried everything possible to make our M work. It really hard for me to be the one that has been hurt and at the same time I have to act happy and practically kiss butt so that he might notice that I am the better option. It kills me to think that he is still talking to OW and possibly still seeing her. Why must this be so hard...why do they do this to us. How do I really know if this is working. I have such mixed emotions coming from me and him....I will have to admit that it is really hard to keep my mouth shut about OW sometimes...but I have been pretty good about it lately. Is there really any possibility that this will work and I might be happy with him again one day.....Love is suppose to be fun and happy....why does it have to hurt so much. I am having a hard day...sorry. Why is it as if he is a god and has the power to make my day happy or sad....Ahhhhhhh! I think that I may go crazy....Anyone there to help
