Well, H came home from the bar and he totally took me wrong. He thought that I went to check up on him.....How sad I wanted just to be friendly. He said that it would have been different if he would have asked me to come. I told him that I was just trying to be friendly and that it would not happen again. He left to go to the store and as he was walking out he told me that he loves me but he is not sure if he is in love with me. Ouch....I have tears all built up in my eyes...trying not to cry. I smiled and said okay....what do I do now....What a slap in the face. I feel so stupid
No, no, no, no, no. No. It's not a slap in the face. Stop feeling "stupid" over everything, and as everyone on this site will tell you, the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech (or "ILYBINILWY" for short) is something we've ALL heard (or a variation of it, such as, "I don't love you like a spouse should" ) and apparently it's mandatory speak from a WAS. PAY NO ATTENTION TO IT!!! Anytime they say anything like that, pay no attention to it. It's representative of what they FEEL right now, but feelings change, m' dear. He loved you once and changed his mind... excuse me, but he can change his mind back again.
Every couple that has ever reconciliated has at one time had one partner declare that it would never be and that 'they loved them but were not in love with them'.
So let's see now, I'm in emotional pain because I love my wife, when she meets up with me, basically she's cheating on her boyfriend, and the way to have women fall in love with me is for me to tell them how to win their husbands back. My head hurts. I'm so confused.
Oh great soccer...are we having a brawl.....lol! Ny I guess that life is a little crazy.....you have two women that want to marry you..so this should tell you what a good catch you are and I believe that your wife is sure to realize it soon. Its really hard to find so many great qualities in someone....I think that you know it but keeps your head up and a smile on your face. You sure make me laugh.
Please check out my sitch and give me your advice of wether or not to file for legal seperation? I'm totally afraid that I will end up bankrupt from H's spending patterns. That is the 1 and only reason I would do it. No other reason. It's not a step closer to divorce to me. It's a self-preservation matter. Anyway. Anyone? Help~ SNL333's Sitch
Well....another few days have passed. Sometimes I feel like things might be getting better and then (Smack) a slAp in my face. We can be civil to eachother and sometimes act as if nothing is wrong between us. I have decided that my H is a very selfish man. He wants a free life....although I have never tied him down. He still continues go to the neighborhood bar and have a few beers every night and then cames home and trys to be nice. When he talks to me he rarely looks in my direction. I sometimes wonder why I allow this to happen to me because I know that I am a good person. I have my doubts on why I continue allowing myself to be subjected to this type of treatment because that he feels that moment. I feel like sometimes just giving up but I want to know that in my heart that I have tried everything possible to make our M work. It really hard for me to be the one that has been hurt and at the same time I have to act happy and practically kiss butt so that he might notice that I am the better option. It kills me to think that he is still talking to OW and possibly still seeing her. Why must this be so hard...why do they do this to us. How do I really know if this is working. I have such mixed emotions coming from me and him....I will have to admit that it is really hard to keep my mouth shut about OW sometimes...but I have been pretty good about it lately. Is there really any possibility that this will work and I might be happy with him again one day.....Love is suppose to be fun and happy....why does it have to hurt so much. I am having a hard day...sorry. Why is it as if he is a god and has the power to make my day happy or sad....Ahhhhhhh! I think that I may go crazy....Anyone there to help
First, what you are feeling is totally normal and rest assured each and everyone of us here has felt similar, if not the exact same, emotions you are.
Fair you ask? Hell no! Worth the effort? Hell Ya!!!
Dbing as you know is about you. Believe it or not the turmoil our spouses have thrown at us is actually an opportunity. An Opportunity to identify our flaws, identify what is really important and set out on a plan to make ourselves into this new individual. Were we that bad to start with? I don't think so, we may have been complacent or possible blind to our surroundings, but all in all good people.
As you move forward in your DBing efforts you will begin to recognize how your efforts are beginning to change your personna. Just look how you notice every little thing your H says and does now. Did you notice those little things before? Did they carry even the slightest meaning? Now look at how you veiw them. Is it a good change or a bad one? I think you get my point. If we were as attentive 6, 8, 12 months ago, would we be here now?
What I'm trying to say is this is a process, a process to better yourself, for yourself and our spouse will be a benefactor if THEY choose to see the light. We set forth with our plan and see how far we can get. Will we get to reconciling? I don't know, possibly. Will we evolve into better people than we ever were in the past. You bet, but only if we continue with the process. That means we MUST continue until all options are exhausted. It is only then when we have traversed this life lesson, will we begin to see the true benefit.
We build a new sense of confidence, a strong moral and honorable direction and gain respect for how comitted we have been to the promise we made to our spouses. This is a change that anyone you come in contact with will see, because it is done for you.
When you can lovingly detach, set and accomplish the goals you have identified and begin to shine as the new BLONDEQT1, it is then, that the true purpose of DBing will make sense because this is a process about you AND for you.
Please give every effort you can to your comittment to your M. It is through this trial, you will engrain the foundation of the rest of your life. By maintaing your dignity, your honor and your moral standards, you can look in the mirror at the end of the day and feel damn proud. With these three things as a foundation you become a very solid individual and THAT is something to be cherished.
Fight the good fight, do what you know is right, and endure the emotional turmoil. You will emerge a better person, I gaurantee it!
Ny I guess that life is a little crazy.....you have two women that want to marry you..so this should tell you what a good catch you are and I believe that your wife is sure to realize it soon. Its really hard to find so many great qualities in someone....I think that you know it but keeps your head up and a smile on your face. You sure make me laugh.