In the book "His Needs Her Needs" by Willard F. Harley, Jr., there's a section on being attractive for your spouse. But you needn't think that you were somehow the cause of his being with OW, he's 100% responsible for that. Your part was in contributing to the environment in your relationship that influenced him to be unhappy. And that's not to overlook the part he played in contributing to his own unhappiness.
The blaming of oneself is a part of the grieving process. thoughts are typically, "Oh, what could I have done differently?" or "If I only could go back in time" or "Why didn't I do this or that?" But, you're not entirely to blame and even if things had been handled somewhat differently, who can say what the results really would've been?
I know that I am a nice person that was never jealous of him having friends that were the opposite sex....its just when the friendship went further.
Boy oh boy, I have a problem there too. On the one hand, how can I prohibit my mate telling them who they can or can't talk to... especially if it's an old flame who is now friendly with them... imagine the OW demanding that your H not speak with you... and yet, my W speaking with an old boyfriend is exactly how the affair began. Of course, she was unhappy. not unhappy enough to leave the marriage, but certainly it came through to the OM and things happened...
What can we do but walk away sadder and wiser, knowing to keep our eyes and ears open lest this should happen again, and nip it in the bud nest time with a heartfelt talk... but more importantly, nip the problems that arise in relationships in the bud so that small problems are not left to become big problems.
By doing the 180 and GAL do you really think that will help the situation
They've been known to do that. Of course, there aren't any guarantees, there are a lot of variables... but one thing we know is that if you don't try these techniques wholeheartedly, then you're pretty much just going on waiting until your spouse changes their mind.
