I have forgiven him but I feel that all relationships with "friend" have to end.
BlondQT1, again you have done the RIGHT THING. Understand that every correct action will feel wrong in every corpuscle of your body. This whole strategy is counter-intuitive, OK? Chances are if you FEEL you've done the wrong thing, you've probably done the right thing. You'll find in reading many posts, that it's when the poster acts on their FEELINGS that they make mistakes and backslide and take two steps backwards.
By "forgiving" your WAS, one of the things you've done is to establish a way back for them. By forgiving, they need not feel that, were they to come back, that you would then reprimand them with an "I told you so!" or "See? You made a big mistake, Charlie. The grass wasn't greener after all, huh? Was it? Huh, huh? So there!".
The WAS needs a way back where they will not lose face. For a WAS, for any human come to think of it, it's difficult to admit one was wrong, especially when so much damage came out of their actions. They have to tell the OP that everything they made the OP believe turns out not to be the case (such as "my LBS was a monster and YOU, my dear OP< are an angel!"). They have to hurt the OP. they have to reverse course in front of all their friends and family. It can't be easy. They're going to try as best as they can to make it work having left you. So the only thing you can help with is letting them know that you're not ever going to rub it in their face. That you understand that this was something they felt they had to do. You do that by forgiving them. You do that by building a friendship.
There's a difference between the throwaway line. "Can't we be friends?" and truly being friends with someone. If the WAS has expressed a desire to maintain a friendship, Oh boy are you in luck! Having a great friendship is tons better than having a bad marriage. having a great friendship is a terrific basis for a better relationship with your WAS.
The onus of building that friendship is entirely on your shoulders. Be a real friend. granted, the WAS isn't going to treat you as a confidant (but if they ever do... you're more than halfway home!), but you can make every contact with them, every face-to-face with them, one of pleasant experiences. be positive, bright and full of PMA. GAL, fill it up with interests and things to do, and soon, you'll be much happier. ACT as if you are, until then. The more you GAL, the more your WAS will shrink in your life. Work on becoming more and more detached from them... but stay LOVING. VALIDATE and LISTEN to them. Become a friend. Friendships last much longer than most relationships.
