Quote: ...I dont want a divorce at all...I was just agreeing with him (180)I reaaly dont want one. I have forgiven him but I feel that all relationships with "friend" have to end.
I think your use of the "180" here was very wrong. You agreed to something you know you didn't want. Right now you are understandably going through a wide range of emotions, so you most likely weren't thinking very clearly. I know we aren't supposed to have R talks, but in this case, I do believe you need tell your H that you're not ready for a D. Maybe a legal separation is the way to go here as depth and experienced have suggested. This will give you the time you need to DB and improve yourself so that in time your H will hopefully see you as someone he really doesn't want to lose. During this time apart, don't worry about what your H is doing. It's beyond your control, and constantly thinking about it will only consume you. Right now your H isn't thinking of you. He is only thinking of himself and what he wants, but while he is apart from you, he could very well one day "wake up and smell the coffee." He could suddenly realize that he has made the biggest mistake of his life. But the only way he will realize this is after you have made changes in you for the better.
Pick up a copy of Divorce Remedy (DR) if you haven't already. It's a very big help. This will take more time than you think, but this is a much better way to go than getting a D. Be strong and good luck.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
