Welcoming Myself Home

[MicheleTW]

the inability to match his energy.

Slowly, I can't help myself. You don't have to be a clone of your spouse. You don't have to "match his energy." You just have to be yourself, and appreciate your differences. If you need to walk around the block to spin off your nervous energy, then fine. If he wants to park it on the couch and watch golf tournaments, breaking only for bathroom breaks and Cheetos, fine. If you're a gal for whom Cheetos are the work of all that is evil in the world, fine -- Get behind me Satan and get doing something which makes your heart sing. It doesn't mean you don't love NG -- it may mean you don't love sitting on the couch, watching golf and eating processed cheese puff-type food.

No one ever said you had to be the same. In fact, Michele W-D writes about this in the "Sex Starved Marriage" -- how High-demand and Low-demand spouses can still find fulfillment within their M.

Live as your essential self, true to yourself, and you will break through any self-imposed thoughts which are holding you back. Even the thought that somehow you have to match intensity levels, interest levels, fitness levels, caloric intake levels, etc.

Phew. Gotta get off this soapbox!

-- Michele

[slowly]

Hi H2H - It takes these conversations for me to wake up to the fact that I'm sliding into non-solution based thinking. Yes, I don't need meaningful conversations to figure out what's going on, though it would be nice, no?

Revision points for this week:

#1 - Even after 15 months of dbing, and the R being mainly back on track, I need to remember the good lady Patience.

#2 - I need to observe actions rather than pray for conversations.

Gotta run now, will be back later.

Slowly

[sage]

Slowly,

I hear what MicheleTW is saying about not being a clone but I do think there's a "meet in the middle" solution...the whole matching h's energy is very familiar to me...and I do think my willingness to settle onto the couch for longer periods of time than I would necessarily choose for myself has gone a long way towards filling h's love tank -- QT and "peace and quiet" are big ones for him. It's also been a good lesson for me...to realize that my "busyness" was often about crazymaking (sometimes not! but sometimes yes!)

BTW...maybe it's time for a new thread before one of those moderators comes by and locks you out?

Sage

[slowly]

Thanks for the reminder Sage. Just set up a new thread here

Being Specific

Michele - I'll be ruminating over your awesome coaching over in my new place

Slowly