Quote: when NG sat down to an intensive session on his laptop. I'm in serious danger of wigging out - is he on email to ow So here I am for some therapy
Hi Slowly, Heard your call for some therapy... What do you mean he's on email to ow?????? This is new, isn't it? Until I know more of the details, I can tell you that I've been reading some of Sage's early threads lately (the first couple in Piecing) and they have been VERY helpful to me in identifying when my thoughts take a turn towards my fear center and distort themselves into 'real' monsters - and of course, how it affects how I feel and interact with others.
Quote: something I used to do, and now he knows I will no longer be responsible for, and is fully aware he messed up, so I understand there was much frustration at himself too. He procrastinated over the transfer a month ago, expecting me to relent and carry the chore, and when I did not, he got into trouble. When I help, he is annoyed, when I don't he let's things go bad. I'm detaching.
Well this dynamic sure sounds familiar to me! And I'll give you a big gold star for not jumping in to the rescue. I recently had a similiar situation with SO where he expected me to make excuses for him to someone else. I'm pretty sure he felt bad about screwing up and wanted me to get mad about it or come up w/ 101 reasons why he should come to the event. Then he could vent his frustration at me, my reaction & my judgmental/criticizing attitude. But I simply didn't - I validated that he must indeed be very tired and said I had to go. (BTW, he did end up going!)
I think this is one of those situations that will get worse before it gets better. It reminds me of myself in a way - when I used to lay my problems at his feet to "fix" - and when he left and I could no longer point my finger elsewhere for blame or for fixing, then I had only myself to deal with. And well, now I see clearly what's mine to 'fix' and take on the responsibility willing. I suspect NG will come to this point eventually as long as you continue to gracefully decline to remain the fixer.
And I'll give you a big gold star for not jumping in to the rescue. I recently had a similiar situation with SO where he expected me to make excuses for him to someone else. I'm pretty sure he felt bad about screwing up and wanted me to get mad about it or come up w/ 101 reasons why he should come to the event. Then he could vent his frustration at me, my reaction & my judgmental/criticizing attitude. But I simply didn't - I validated that he must indeed be very tired and said I had to go. (BTW, he did end up going!)
