Slowly, did you ever get to the point where you loved your husband but were not in love and wondered if you could get it back? It seems like his "coming around" is taking so long that I just don't know if I could go on with him. I'm struggling with my feelings, bigtime. He's been out of our lives so long now....just don't know.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Sounds like your H resonds to the subtlest (as in, it was all HIS idea) of hints! Great for you that he had that brilliant idea of dressing up when you go out to nice restaurants! Now do you think you can follow suit and take his lead?
Hi Mellanie - To be honest, my feelings ran the whole gamut from indifference to anger to 'in love' - and sometimes all at the same time
Quote: It seems like his "coming around" is taking so long that I just don't know if I could go on with him.
I used to get a lot of these moments, and the only way I managed to get through them was to consider what my alternatives were, and always concluded that it was not a waste of 'time'.
Hard to believe its Friday - where has the week gone?
NG and I muddle along, we have both been uber busy at work, home life has been peaceful. I had an appointment with my gyn and had 'forgotten ' to mention it to NG at the time of making the appointment. When we were having tea on Weds, I happened to mention the check-up and NG launched into a segway of me keeping secrets from him. I just said that he does not always pay attention to what I say (true) so how can he even be sure I had not mentioned it? Then I walked away and came back to a diferent subject. He is still looking a little shaken by the episode. Quite the 180 from days when I used to remind him over and over again about my schedule
Perhaps he was transferring his guilt of having kept secrets from you, onto you! Weird how these WAS's are - I keep saying that, but it's so true in many ways.
Have a great weekend, Slowly!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Wow, I wonder what prompted his little outburst about you keeping secrets from him? I can't seem to recall any evidence from your posts of this ever being the case? Perhaps he's looking to the past to hold on to some obscure event that he doesn't want to release?
I'm truly baffled...
But BTW, I love your response. I bet that stunned him! I know my former self would have apologized profusely, even if I knew I had shared the appointment info with him? At least today, Mr. W. acknowledges that he thinks he has conversations with me but discovers he has them inside his noggin instead. Like I could read them?
Anyhoo, you sound pretty calm these days. Must be the result of doing so much hard self work and analysis.
Have a great weekend too!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
From my own experience I'm sure my H thinks the less he is burdened with gyn checkup information the better. He wouldn't care if I told him "I'm going to the gynocologist for a checkup today at 3pm" he'd say "ok". Unless of course it conflicted with prior plans he had made for us.
Unless he thinks you think you might be pregnant and hiding it from him? Weird. In any case, you handled it stellar-ly.
Hi BeingMe - Certainly there was a serious case of projection going on - and it probably awakened his fear that I will do unto him as he did unto me. But you know, I cannot control his fear, only mine.
Yup, we are definitely planning on a FAB weekend Slowly
Hi Betsey - You know, it took me by surprise too, his instant anger. But having thought about it, I now understand this is fear. I'm the partner in our relationship who communicated for us both - he did not even have to ask questions, I would volunteer information. So such a significant turnaround has been a serious challenge. Yes, I have never kept anything hidden from him, and if I can be quiet about something so mundane, my goodness, what else could I possibly be hiding?
But as I see it, this is the way forward. A little spice and mystery is just what a 23 year old relationship needs. I'd rather he spent his time wondering what I was up to, than be taken for granted
Hello Pen - You know, normally I would agree with you, about NG not being that bothered. I think he was just in the mood to make a fuss. In any event, he did come and hold my hand, which was sweet. And these days, when we do have tense moments, I often remember your approach of making a joke about it. Certainly I feel better, and it seems to be much easier to jolly NG out of his bad mood if I can be light. So, poor NG now has to cope with me teasing him
On another matter altogether, while we were with friends at dinner on Saturday, we got round to discussing social circles, and NG and I both had a lightbulb moment, for the past 10 years or so, our entire social circle has been my personal or professional friends. I've been thinking, NG has ceased communications with both his sisters, pretty much just chats with his mum. He does not keep in touch with school or college friends, and even work mates only go back about 5 years. Does anyone else have this set-up? I feel quite sad for him, but I guess he likes it that way, because he does push people away.
Slowly
