Quote: Through our conversations, we unwittingly enlarge or diminish the potentials and possibilities of everyone around us.
EEEEK! And to see it here in black and white (or blue and white) is like a big Roseanna Roseannadanna-sized frying pan thwacking me upside the noggin.
Quote: - for the first time in a long, long time, he is organising the details of our next holiday Its a task that I used to do for fear that if left to him, it'll all be at the last minute and we'll be paying well over the odds. Now that I've let go that fear, and I guess he can see from my actions that I've let go, he is stepping in.
Yes, he can feel that something is different, I'm sure. That you trust him, you're not hovering over his shoulder, waiting for him to make a mistake... and what do you know? He's capable! This is huge, Slowly! I'm taking a page from your book.
Hi BeingMe, midwest, Martha and Jennifer - Lots to be said for musings!
BeingMe - I completely agree that the most careless thing we can do is take things for granted, not just with our spouses, but also with our parents, siblings, friends. This whole experience has been an eye-opener for me in that respect, to spend the majority of my time enjoying today
midwest - despite doing a better job enjoying my todays, i have to confess to moments when the 'letting go' is tough. I think Pen put her finger on it when she surmised that many of us here are the analytical types, and unsolved mysteries are simply unbearable
Martha - turning negatives into positives is an art form, one that requires fresh perspectives, no? I used to be riddled with anxiety which I can now attribute to caring too much about what other people thought. The tough part of being an adult is having the conviction to stick to what I want, and being happy with it. When I look back at the times I ended up owning someone else's problems, it was because I let myself be derailed from my chosen path. Ugh
Jennifer - this 'control' stuff manifests itself in many ways, doesn't it? We had a classic situation yesterday - NG was supposed to pick me up at 2 pm, and did not show up. He did vaguely mention that there might be a conflict, but that if I did not hear from him otherwise, the 2 pm pickup will happen. 2 pm came, no sign of NG. I tried to call him, with no success. Fleeting thought, is he in a hotel room with ow Well, 15 minutes later, I decide instead of waiting resentfully, I should just take a cab home, which I did. 330 NG calls, to apologise, he got dragged into a client site at 1 pm, and did not realise that they blocked out cell phone coverage, so NG could not call out, and my calls were not getting through. He was relieved I had made my way home, and was happy getting on with my things. A BIG change from past MO, when I'd have waited, just to emphasise that I was inconvenienced by his not calling about change of plans. We learn
Looking forward to a doing-nothing weekend. We may catch a movie. The possibilities are endless Slowly
I just spent the morning catching up with you and you have some awesome insights being posted and conversed on here!!!
Isn't it cool that each of us can look back at the person that we were when we came to this bb and the changes and progress we have made within and for ourselves?
Hope you are having a wonderful weekend.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Hi Pam - It was a wonderful weekend, and Monday blues don't seem so bad today, probably because it's only a 4 day week
Yes, each of us has an interesting journey, and I'm constantly amazed at the wealth of understanding, and wisdom, in addition to support, to be found on this site. Aren't we lucky?
Good for you, Slowly, with taking the cab. I think I would've waited as well in the past, but only because I would've thought that H would be inconvenienced if he got there, and I wasn't there.
It is so encouraging that so many of the M's are being saved on this site. I am sad about mine coming to an end, but I have learned so much that I can take into a possible future R.
Hope your week is as good as your weekend was.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I've been spiraling down and obsessing over my H's latest activities, just geting swamped with all of the emotions swirling through me...until I came upon this thread. I've been getting bogged down waiting for H to do something. I guess it's time for ME to do something and let him either go on his way or catch up to me when he's ready. I'll just lurk in the corner and soak up the positive vibes. Thanks. Mel
PS- I would have waited too.
Last edited by Mellanie; 03/22/0502:43 AM.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Yep, I would have waited, too. H would have been very angry if I left.... even tho he was late. I'm glad there is a shift along the way where freedom comes to do what is best for you and the M. Gives me hope.
BeingMe - You know, like many folks, I came to this site to save my relationship, but now, I find that I've really saved myself. There was a point when I was quite happy that I'd be takking myself into my next R as a much better person. I can understand your sentiments.
Jennifer - the less attractive parts to my personality include a compulsion to be right. Ugh. I'm still trying to recover from that affliction The choices I make are so different, providing I can stop long enough to question my motives.
Mel - Be sure not to lurk when things go downhill over here, they happen sometimes But yes, the tendency to wait for 'them' to do something is strong, isn't it? Insecurity is such a tough one to shed. What's interesting is that they feel insecure too. And sometimes they need action from us to jolt them out of their doldrums.
midwest - you know, it did cross my mind that NG might be cross to find I'd gone. In the past, that alone would have kept me rooted. Now, I figure if he wants me to wait, he should have told me he'd be running late. Amazingly, I find myself with the confidence to stand up for myself.
It was a blah Monday, just ploughing through the ever growing mountain of work. Today promises to be the same, NG is under far more pressure than I am. Roll on the long weekend.
I would have waited and then been angry,panicked and upset rejected etc. Now I think about it from H's point of view. I have been following your post since your last thread. Do you have any advice for a newbie like me.
My H is at home, he had an A (think for (1 1/2 yrs). I found out Oct 2004. Left him, came back we are working on M. He has denied the A and continues to do so. He told me once that he was terrified to tell me the truth because he was afraid I would leave him.
I am trying to trust and forgive. He is really trying and things are improving. But as soon as things start seeming "normal" I get upset and ow thoughts creep in. Do you have any advice for how to move forward. What did you do? If you have any links to your old threads I would appreciate. THanks for posting, it has really helped me and lots of others on this BB.
Well, 15 minutes later, I decide instead of waiting resentfully, I should just take a cab home, which I did. 330 NG calls, to apologise, he got dragged into a client site at 1 pm, and did not realise that they blocked out cell phone coverage, so NG could not call out, and my calls were not getting through. He was relieved I had made my way home, and was happy getting on with my things. A BIG change from past MO, when I'd have waited, just to emphasise that I was inconvenienced by his not calling about change of plans. We learn 
Slowly
